[SQLVR]

Does anyone else get really upset (like close to breakdown) when someone is angry or critical. I can't even handle the idea of complete strangers being upset with me. At work I'm constantly worried about what people are thinking and if they like me or not. I also don't really have any close relationships because I'm afraid of getting attached and ending up abandoned.
Anyone else?

[Mysterious Flyer]

Yes, I am the same way. I get really mad/scared when people criticize me, and I feel that I am often unfairly targeted. I feel it deeply when people treat me like I am beneath them on the totem pole. Because this is such a common behavior in the work place, it has been a major impediment to my career advancement. I always wonder if people dislike me, or if they are starting to dislike me.

I have always been mainly ignored by my peers. I noticed this when I was in preschool. It's like they can tell that there's something "off" about me. I imagine I come across as a strange person, since I was raised in an abusive environment. Some people describe me as distant or cold. I rarely form connections.

The only advice I can give is to identify people at work or in your nabe in your same age group and gender, and ask them if they want to do somehing interesting with you on the weekend. Like see a lecture at a museum and then go for a wine lunch. That helped me when I was single, but now I never do it becuase it's easier to just hang out with my boyfriend. It would probably be more healthy if I would actively make some friends, and you probably should too. It helps you feel more secure.

[glitches]

I do the same thing. I do not react well to being shouted at, or beng shouted around. I have had close relationships, but I always question them constantly and it is too exhausting to be honest to keep up with it. I get too worried about what they are thinking about me even if it is illogical to think they are being negative about me.

[ladytiger]

i get cramps in my tummy when someone gets upset with me. people call me a cold person all the time, gee i wonder why! may be because there's no real connection/relationship with my parents and yea i tend to treat people the way my parents treat me. like i told my ex therapist if you were rude to me, i will take my time trying to find you xyz. she said you give people a reward if they were nice to you and only do favors when they are nice towards you. i told her yea, that sums it up!

growing up, nothing but a constant barrage of yelling and nothing my parents taught ever prepared me to handle rejection. i would cry, yell, scream, etc for being rejected my parents would get even with you for rejecting them, scream, berate, name calling, etc. any time someone yells i jump and feel my tummy tightening up. when someone is upset with me, it makes me get nastier with them because that's how i am with my parents. it's like you're picking a fight with me and i am always prepared for battle. ex therapist said i am always in the fight or flight mode may be if you people didn't always trigger something within me then i wouldn't be such a warrior ***** all the time!

when i get in trouble, my heart is racing like crazy, can't sleep, sweating, etc. then i break down when i get a punishment. no, i was never calm when i got a punishment or took the responsibility like a mature person because that was not the prime example at home. when someone would get upset with me, i would run from it. why? at home, it's very abusive so i think it's also gonna be very abusive with someone else, sometimes it is how is that any better? i mean nobody likes to be shouted, berated, or humiliated.

[RainbowG]

*nodding*

My father and mother were (and still are) both very critical people. They had something to say about absolutely everything! Add to that the fact that I'm an Aries and you get someone who's often on the defensive. I do try to be aware of this and remind myself that either it's not a personal attack, or if it is then it's a problem they're having dealing with their negative feelings and I don't have to let them dump them on me.

For instance, when I get a QA email from my "team leader" I can feel myself getting anxious. She's required to say some nice things about me, and sometimes I can tell her heart isn't in it. But her heart is always into the list of stuff I have to improve on, and lots of it is very minor. I remind myself that it's not personal but rather her enjoying her authority. It helps a lot.

I also worry about people liking me. I think it comes from the conditional love that I grew up with. If I did what my abusive parents wanted then I was liked. If I didn't then I was not liked. I'm trying really hard to get over that. It helps to remind yourself that it's not always about you. Sometimes people don't like you because of their issues. I do that myself. My father was (and still is) an extremely arrogant person, so when I hear someone singing their own praises, it really rubs me the wrong way. They could be a nice person apart from that, but I'm not interested in them once I hear arrogant stuff coming out of their mouths.

My life is also missing close relationships. I've never been involved romantically, and I've lived in this small town (with very friendly people, very community minded and with beliefs that I share) for over 10 years and I don't have any local friends. This is something I'm going to be working on through therapy. You might want to consider that, if you're not in therapy already.

Just please don't feel like there's something horribly wrong with you. I believed that for years. Now I realize that I'm reacting in a perfectly natural way to the destructive lessons that I've been taught since childhood.

[Mysterious Flyer]

Hey Rainbow:

I work in the QA field now, which is new for me. There are a lot of people in this field with narcissistic, abusive, control-freak tendencies. Try not to let the QA freak get you down. Hopefully I will be a better one! I have enough experience in the industry now, and knowledge of the regulations, so I think I can do a good job without injecting a bad attitude and confusing atmosphere into everything. I think I am more disliked by other QA people than by anyone else. So that's a good thing about me, right?

[littlemiss44]

I feel that way all the time! I was so emotionally abused growing up which has made my adulthood very hard..I can take any criticism at all! I have a very bullied manager. She even knows my issues cause I'm on ssd for my issues. We've had numerous conversations about how she bullied me and she always says sorry but then turns around and does it again. I'm in so much fear that I get butterflies in my stomach that won't go away. I try hard at my job but it never seems good enough so yr not alone. I wish my life was better and no amount of therapy seems to help. It's just what I'm left with. I hope and pray it gets better.

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[nicoleflynn]

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans is a book which I believe should be required reading for everyoe on the planet. Knowledge is power.