[seesaw]

Before I can tell my T I need to get this out there.

I experienced sexual abuse by my mother and brother. I experienced physical although not sexual abuse from my father. Both my mother and father were severely emotionally abusive.

When I was 12 I wanted to start shaving my legs because all me friends were starting to. I had started to develop breasts before all my friends too, and I was very self-conscious about it.

I asked my mother to show me how to shave my legs. She told me she'd come in while I was bathing and show me how. While I was in the bathtub, she came in with a razor. She wouldnt let me use it, and I was naked in the tub. I was humiliated to have her staring at my body. I tried to use a wash cloth to cover my privates. I tried to cover my breasts with my arms while she proceeded to shave my legs. She made it shameful and humiliating. I know I wasn't raped, but it was inapprporiate and abusive. She used body shaming throughout my life to abuse me.

As I grew into a teenager, she would never buy bras or underwear for me. I had to wear her old bras and underwear, even though they didn't fit.

When I was around 10, my brother asked me if I wanted to play a game in which I would touch his private parts and he would touch mine, although clothed. It was supposed to see who had the most guts to touch each other's privates. I played along because my brother bullied me. But I did stop the game before he could molest me.

Later, when my brother was doing lots of drugs he would threaten to beat me and grab my collar and stick his fist in my face, yelling loudly at me. My parents did nothing, even when they witnessed it. They could never understand that I was a defenseless child. Not an adult that was taking this abuse by choice.

Then there's my father. I'm just going to touch on one instance of physical abuse. My father used to tickle me. It was fun until he did it so much that I couldnt breathe and begged for him to stop while gasping for breath. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't breathe and he wouldn't stop. He taught my brothers to do the same. I think I don't like being touched now because anytime someone touched me as a child, it was to inflict pain.

There's so much more. But that's all I can share for now.

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[nicoleflynn]

Tickling is literally a form of torture in other countries. I hope you share everything with your t.

Hugs

[Quarter life]

Hey seesaw....welcome to PC.

I have been a member of this site for just over 4 months. In that time, I've received really constructive feedback and have made several great contacts and friends. I still can't open up about the trauma I went through, but I admire your bravery for doing just that. For anyone going through a hard time, or those just wanting to reach out and have a chat, without judgement.......This is the place.

[seesaw]

Nicole, I did discuss it with my therapist and he immediately confirmed that the tickling was abuse.

I haven't told him about the stuff my mother and brother did yet.

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[Mysterious Flyer]

Yeah, my family used to tickle torture me too. They would pretend like they thought it was a game, but I would be screaming and trying to fight back. My mom started the "game", and brother picked up very quickly on the cue that he was allowed to abuse me in that way.

And my mom would often demand that I stand in front of her naked, or she would ask me personal questions about my private body parts. Totally creepy.

I wonder if there is a name for this type of abuse, since it is apparently not unique. The physical abuse has a name. It's just "abuse". But what do you call it when a person thinks up unusual ways to cause physical and mental anguish that might seem excusable to the outside observer? It demonstrates calculated cruelty, IMO.

[seesaw]

Thank you Mysterious Flyer for sharing that. I'm sorry we both had to go through it. But I'm glad at least we don't have to suffer alone.

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