[ThisWayOut]

I asked my therapist to push me on my sa stuff because I tend to avoid it. I also have no clue what to do next to help process it. She said she is ok with that, but she needs me to tell her what I need. I don't know what I need. I don't know what will help. I tried to tell her that, but she is insistent on me figuring out what the next steps should be. She said she is willing to help me figure it out, but I feel like we are wasting our limited time as I flounder with pinpointing my needs. I know I need to talk about it (she's kinda told me she doesn't want to talk about specifics, though I find that helps). I know I need to figure out how to mitigate the memories and symptoms. But outside of that, I have no clue... what's helped other people?

[pegasus]

I personally found it helpful not to go into the specifics but more to talk about how I felt dirty and worthless and we dealt with many horrific memories. It is hard to start off with because you will feel vulnerable and it takes time to trust. Well done on making that start. Hugs

[Mysterious Flyer]

You might want to consider finding a different therapist. I wasted a lot of time and money on a therapist who was similar. She thought that if I just wrote down all the thoughts I had every day, and figured out how I wanted to deal with everything, then I would be cured. I thought that I would just end up being in debt. I switched to an actual psychiatrist, and he helped a lot. He did not expect me to be the expert in "how to handle it". He took responsibility for his role, and that went a long way for me.

[ThisWayOut]

pegasus, I go through bouts of desperately needing to share the specifics with some other human being, and being terrified to do so because of 1) wanting to protect anyone else from having to get an inkling of these things, and 2) fear of judgement or being misunderstood. The few times I have been able to share details have been hugely cathartic for me, but when I try to force it, I detatch and get nothing from it. I guess I never really thought too much about talking about how it all made/makes me feel. I generally don't have very good insight into my emotions around things. She might be able to help me figure it all out.

Mysterious Flyer, I'm not in a space to switch therapists right now. I will be moving across country in August, so it would be a waste to have to build a new relationship just to end it. Right now I am using her for both support around these huge life changes, and the sa stuff. I don't worry about the money because it's a local sa center that offers free services. I tend to feel bad that I am wasting her time when she could be using it on someone that DOES know what they need/want, but I don't have it in me to switch just to switch again in 3 months... Also, I have gotten the farthest with her at this point. I had never revealed details ot anyone else... I wonder if I just overwhelmed her with it.

[ladytiger]

i saw a therapist where i felt both of our times was wasted but my social worker wanted me to stay with her so i didn't have to rebuild another relationship with another therapist i felt the same way. i hate staying with someone who i feel miserable with, but it was more heated arguments with that therapist than anything else miss know it all, mammy pandy land! she thought she knows it all because she is a therapist, she has parental and marital arrogance! i didn't have to pay for mine, it was covered through the State. i don't see her anymore because my sessions ended 2 months ago and very glad it did.

[RainbowG]

Hope you forgive me for jumping in. I've just recently returned to this board after some time away. I should also warn you I haven't discussed my SA with my therapist, though I did discuss my EA when I was seeing her (will be going back as soon as my insurance card comes in).

Hmm, I wonder if her reaction reflects lack of experience with dealing with SA. I feel like there's resistance on her part. Please don't feel like you're doing something wrong by asking for her guidance on this. That's what she's there for (or should be there for). The only way you could be wasting her time is if you weren't sincere about wanting to work through it, which clearly you are.

The way I see it, there are two ways you could approach this in therapy. There's what happened in the past, including memories and what you experienced growing up (thoughts, feelings, bad choices, etc.). And there's what's happening in your life now that's influenced by it. Do you feel like you're having special problems with a certain aspect of your life? Relationships? Low self-esteem? Difficulties reaching a particular goal? Dissatisfaction with a certain aspect of your life? What's the most pressing thing? Perhaps that's what she's looking for. Then you both can explore how the SA may be influencing that.

It sounds like she's more comfortable focusing on difficulties you're dealing with in your life right now that might be influenced by your SA experiences rather than what happened in the past, if she's telling you that she prefers not to talk about the specifics. Since you're going to be changing to another therapist in a short time anyway, perhaps the best choice is to set aside that stuff for now, even if you feel the desire to talk about it. If you were staying with her then I'd agree with both Mysterious Flyer and ladytiger that she may not be serving your needs right now. Hopefully the therapist you find in your new place later this year will be more in tune with that.

[ThisWayOut]

**deleted first part**
There was so much hope going into this. I wanted to finally address something I had avoided (to my detriment) for almost 2 decades. I was just able to start trusting someone with all this stuff...