How do I vent anger safely?

I'm reposting this from another thread.

I recently recovered memories of child abuse inflicted mainly, but not exclusively, by my mother and shared everything with my T this week. I now feel the rage trying to get out, but I'm terrified to let it loose. My open wounds are still raw. I won't be seeing my T again until late June and I'm feeling stranded.

The problem with me is if I get angry I have a tendency to get very suicidal. If I let the anger out even a little, I get suicidal thoughts. It scares me because I've attempted suicide before. I wish I was seeing my T more often to discuss this but I'm on my own.

Does anyone have any advice on letting the anger out safely.

Hello SkyWhite! I would suggest try writing it out in a journal. It helps me.

You might want to vent on PC so you can get feedback to help you through this tough time. We're here to listen.

One thing that many people don't try, but is one of the best things is working out. I hate going to the gym and dragging my fat butt there, however when I am there walking, my emotions roll off my shoulders and I feel that huge rock lifted.
I think it is the fact if I can have that time to focus on me, doing something constructive, making my body healthy, and pumping out that adrenaline that I don't need/want helps alot.

Sometimes making yourself busy also helps. Bordem is a silent killer trust me.... The more time I am in my house alone, the more my brain won't shut up.
Try making a affordable hobby. Try cooking new things (even if you dont know how), try taking up a part time fun job, go for walks, take up social groups, etc.

Keep your brain occupied so you can pass by those thoughts

I go running... It definitely helps when in a pacey 'I'm about to explode' mood. I wonder why it makes you suicidal... That is so sad and I hear that you are really anxious about it - do you feel it's somehow forbidden to be angry? Anger is healthy and this anger is absolutely justified. You are allowed to be angry...

Sending hugs

Actually, the one thing I'm still doing is getting on my treadmill and walking fast fast. It does help. And I walk my dog for a good 30 mins or more when the weather is good. I do that mainly for my dog.

I'm an artist and I have so many hobbies, but I don't feel motivated to do any of them. And I don't want to be around people. I'm realizing now, I'm getting very depressed, my anger is turning inward now as it usually does.

Sky that's good to do the walking... I also don't want to be around people... What kind of art do you do?

I wasn't allowed to get angry as a child. Some BPDs like me have a very hard time dealing with their emotions, so when I get very angry, I automatically become suicidal to escape the strong emotions that I never learned to deal with as a child. Strong negative emotions can be dangerous for me. That's two reasons for feeling afraid of my anger. Right now I'm pushing the anger down, but it's coming back up as depression. I've only learned to understand these things recently, so at least I'm aware of them now.

I have been considering calling a crisis line just to talk to someone trained to talk about these things.

I think it is really important not to ignore what you know about yourself and your patterns - if you can see the warnings of being angry/getting depressed/getting suicidal then you are being really impressively self aware and if you feel like talking to someone on the crisis line would help, follow your gut. Also it might bridge the gap between now and when you see the T next.

I wasn't allowed to get angry either. That would make me like my dad. As an adult, I don't internalise it, instead I rage like a lunatic over the smallest things and become unmanageable for everyone. Oh wait, that's just like my dad! Great stuff!

I was a graphic designer for 12 years. Now I paint and do art quilting. I've also tried different crafts over the years like stained glass, mosaics, knitting, ceramics. I'm pretty good at all these things too, so it really pisses me off that I have no motivation to do any of it, and I could really use the money if I sold something. It makes me want to cry when I think of the hundreds of dollars in art supplies I have and I can't do a damn thing!

You will get there - it's so hard to function properly when processing all this heavy ****. I can't pretend to understand the art world, but could your painting express any of your anger? I sympathise with the frustration over feeling impotent about work... I am meant to be writing up my PhD right now and I'm getting nothing done for weeks on end. But the pattern is - deep depression, meltdown, wake up, get a whole chapter done in a week. So I'm sort of waiting for the wake up to come.

What if you make something for someone you care about? No work pressure, just a gift that will make you feel good.

Wow, you read my mind! I thought of doing a painting for my husband and for my T (the 2 men in my life that matter ).

I thought it would be a good motivation to do something out of love. I'm going to give this a lot of thought.

Thanks

A PhD is a lot of work! I'm very sorry you're so stuck.

Others have suggested that I paint my angst out, but I have trouble painting emotions. My T and I figure it's because I don't understand them well enough and basically afraid of them due to my BPD.

I'll get over myself for a period of time enough to get something done sooner or later. I'm probably going to work in the night tonight after wasting a lot of time today.

Yes I think doing something out of love benefits you not because you get accolades for it but because you've done something positive and pure and also have made use of your skills and talents that you feel are going to waste at the moment.

I whack a wavemaster punching bag with a plastic baseball bat. I started by going to a karate studio with my therapist and doing this and now I have my own wavemaster in my basement. I also wrote a blog post in thus once.