[krisakira]

I have been thinking about the time that I was sexually assaulted by my ex boyfriend about 6 years ago. We were not sexually active, and had never done anything beyond making out before it happened. We were play wrestling because I had taken tae kwon do so we were seeing who could wrestle better but of course we were just playing! So then he took me down and started removing my clothes and I was saying to stop but I think he thought I was joking. I think he may have taken the playing too far, and didn't know it was time to stop. I didn't want it to become sexual. So I fought with him while telling him to stop but he got my pants and underwear off because I was not strong enough to stop him. So by the time I was naked waist down, I basically gave up and stopped fighting. He spread my legs apart and looked at me. It was the grossest thing I ever felt, being so open like that. He gave a satisfying smile and got up, while I scurried to get my clothes back on. I don't think he meant to really hurt me though.... I think he was just playing. I don't think he woke up that morning thinking "I'm going to sexually assault my girlfriend today." I think hell yeah he was very immature and selfish. But is it wrong for me to think he really didn't mean to do it? He probably just got caught up in the moment, and thought I was playing around, Kind of like when you're tickling someone and they laugh and say stop. I did not laugh though and tried to make it clear to him I meant no. So I guess he should have gotten the message, but I really think he just took playing too far. Am I in denial?

[nicoleflynn]

The reality is: He raped you. You might want to consider getting help. This isn't going to go away until you address it I have heard great things about RAINN (rape crisis support).

[i dont matter]

I think he definitely crossed a border. And if this upsets you (even REMOTELY upsets you) - I think you should talk to a therapist. Trust me - these thinks linger in your mind even if you do not think they do.

I hesitate to use the term rape on what he did based on what his age was at the time..... (SA people do not read me wrong - what he did was 100% wrong) If he was 10-12 years old, then I do give him a pass from the label of rapist. If he was 19 - then what he did is very disturbing (and I think he needs therapy as much as you do).

Either way - my hope for you is to be at peace with your past.

[cryingontheinside]

I dont think it was rape as sex did not happen. He deffinately did take advantage of you and the situation and he should not have done it. You must of felt very uncomfortable. I hope you broke up with him after this.

[krisakira]

Yeah I know it was not rape, but it was sexual assault. He was 19 at the time. I guess it is disturbing that he did that to me.

[i dont matter]

at age 19...... that is very disturbing.

Your choice if you are interested in criminal charges. At a minimum - I think he needs counseling. He clearly does not understand simply human boundaries.