[Melinae]

It's beyond humiliating to partly have to rely on the kindness of the very family that abused you, to provide a safety net. They sneer at my attempting to apply for food stamps, my difficulty in taking care of myself financially and in improving my situation. I am also on lousy Medicaid. And the reason for all of this is because of their abuse, which very nearly disabled me. And now I have to kiss their *** until the day I can fully stand on my feet. That day is approaching, but I am barely managing, and now that I quit the work that was making me totally miserable for a year, they look down upon me. And I have to listen to my perpetrator's disgusting voice as he says, "You really shouldn't have quit that job." I want to barf. Or kill him. So upset!!

Is anyone else in the same predicament? I feel so alone.

[angeldoll198032]

Hello, I been in situations when I felt like the "black sheep or out cast of the family because of the decision I made or even the way I lived my life. Ive cried from time to time and always wondered if i was good enough as well. Thw way that i dealt with it was to seperate myself from those people. (Yes, your family could be the ones to hurt you the most). Been there. done that. I seperate myself from them to get my own mind together. But most of all I focus on the one that love me most despite of my short comings and that was God. I use to worry about what people thought of me and it drove me nuts. Just know that you cannot worry about what others think of you. You have to live your life for you! Focus on what makes you happy. If you need the food stamps survive...then get them to survive. There is nothing wrong with help. That is what its there for. If you cannot get out the situation. You can chose to ignore them until a way is made for you to leave that abuse. Pray and hang in there. I dont know if you believe in God or a higher being but it is really that only thing that kept me going. Hope you find a way to happiness

[Melinae]

Thank you for what you wrote, angeldoll... appreciate the effort... but it didn't really help. I was looking for other people in same situation. I feel even more alone now

[Bill3]

I suggest that you take a look at growlithing's threads and get to know her story.

[getrealmama]

Yes! My exhusband, my former abuser, pays me child support and pays for half of certain things for our children. And I *HATE* it. I hate that I need it. Everyone around me says that he is obligated to help, and there is no shame in taking money instead of supporting the kids all on my own. My brain knows this to be true but my pride is just so bruised every time I get a check from him. I can't wait for a time when I don't need the help any more, and I can just put it into an account for the kids future and not think about it. But like today, I am due a couple hundred dollars from him, and I have 40 bucks in my account. That situation makes me angry.

I am sorry you are going through this too. I know it's because we are independent people who want to be able to make it alone, and that's not a bad thing. But the feelings sure suck sometimes.