[northgirl]

I sometimes think that my life was never meant to be lived without pain. Abused as a child, now trapped as an adult with no one to give me a "normal" life. Have known for a while now that my Dad has been having one or more affairs...known only through my checking his phone and his suspicious behaviors. Am in my young 20s and live at home to be able to afford school until I can get a steady job, but am realizing that there's a lot more pain ahead. Tired of keeping secrets. Protecting those who hurt me. My family has collapsed even though 5 years ago everything was good. The one thing I put the most value on has turned into my greatest hurt. People don't understand why I stay loyal...but how do I turn my back on the one thing most people value most? I'm tired of feeling blamed for staying in a situation that there are no good alternatives to. Maybe I've always been in denial and still am. I don't want to hurt anyone else, that's why I keep my secrets even though it's my hurt to bear. Days like this are when all i can think is that the only solution is to end my life because at least then I won't have to witness the lies, betrayal, and my own failings. I used to be such a positive person, let things roll off my back. now I wallow and everyone I trust enough to let in my life is sick of my problems too. Is it too much to ask to just want someone to see things from my point of view and realize I'm doing the best I can even if it looks f***ed up to them?

[glok]

No, northgirl, it is not too much to ask. Please keep posting.

I wish you well.

[Kehinde]

There's always hope

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( northgirl ))))))))
(keep posting here, we care)

[SkyWhite]

Yes, northgirl, the pain does end. You're sounding extremely depressed and overwhelmed. There are times in our lives when things can seem hopeless and confusing. I've been there many times and felt ending my life was the solution. But it's not a solution. Depressions do go away and we can learn to cope with painful stuff. Keep posting here and get help with a college counselor or a therapist if you can. If you have a T, show him/her your post.

Still waiting to find this out myself, but i reckon it will end sometime or other - everything does. keep going fighter.