[Xeros97]

I escaped a heavily emotionally and physically abusive childhood largely through enrollment in an early college program. Despite the fact that things had improved I continued to have severe depressive episodes, I continued to have depressive symptoms. But over the last year, it's been replaced by nothingness. I haven't felt any emotion at all in months. During the last year, I had friends who noticed and forced me to see a psychologist, and I was so paralyzed with anxiety I had to be dragged the last ten feet. Now I'm at new school, without those friends, and I still can't feel anything. I know this is a serious problem, but I can't make any steps towards seeing the counselor here.

[bluekoi]

Xeros97, Have you talked with your doctor about the abuse? Perhaps you need medication and therapy together to help you cope with your past.

[geez]

Medication in addition to therapy is a good course of treatment if you are having anxiety.
I'm doing both and while it's not easy they can work together.
Wishing you lots of healing.

[SkyWhite]

I agree that meds and therapy combined is the right way to go. You don't have to be on the meds forever, but while in therapy they can help keep you stabilized and able to manage your emotions better. If you're open to trying meds, it's important you do this through a psychiatrist and not a GP. Psych meds have to be administered properly for people dealing with childhood trauma.

It sounds like you're completely numb, which is a protective mechanism when we're emotionally overwhelmed. When life improves the pain doesn't normally go away. Sometimes, as for me, when life looks a little better your psyche decides it's safe to let those memories surface. I'm sure anyone on this forum will agree entering therapy can be scary, but the journey is worth taking.

[Xeros97]

I have never taken medicine or been to a therapist for regular sessions, because my dad does not believe in medication for anything or the field of psychology. I'm finally on my own, but find myself psychologically unable to seek help.

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Xeros97

I have never taken medicine or been to a therapist for regular sessions, because my dad does not believe in medication for anything or the field of psychology. I'm finally on my own, but find myself psychologically unable to seek help.

If your dad was one of your abusers, it would be not surprising that he would discredit psychology or medications for mental health. Abusers can see that as a threat. Think about it, if you go to a T and get well you're going be spilling the beans about this guy.

When I was 16 I had extreme depression and thought I was losing my mind. My mom was a nurse so I asked her if I could see a psychiatrist. She told me teenagers didn't see psychiatrists and that was the end of that. I suffered for years because I never got proper help. I figured out when I got older that she didn't want me to spill the beans about the horrible abuse she inflicted on me. Much of it I've only began to remember in the last couple of months and it was no wonder she didn't want me talking to someone who may be a colleague of hers. (She had very high administrative nursing position in our city's major hospital.)

You'll know when your ready to seek counseling. But remember, don't let your father's prejudices keep you from getting the help and acknowledgment you need to heal and have a better life.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Going to therapy or going to any support for recovery from abuse is powerful. It breaks the silence. The silence that the abusers wish would still be intact. This is like telling on the abuser and it is a threat to them.

it takes courage.

You will do what you need to do. You deserve to get out of that silence.

Carol