[Hopeful91]

This is a bit of a long story. I was in a drawn out relationship with a man I believe to be a sociopath. He was manipulative and a con artist. He would put me down and called me a slut and basically used my insecurities against me. He played the victim card. I finally gained the courage to break up with him when I got a mostly full time job and was going to school full time as well. So I no longer needed him to not be alone. I believe I was a happy girl before him. I wasn't perfect but I could socialize and befriend people and face the world with my head up. But then I met him and I never really was attracted to him. But he was so charming. He would tell me the nicest things and put me up on a pedestal saying I was his dream girl. He bought me a can of string cheese once bc I called him cheesy. But he was confident despite his ugly appearance. He would tell me when we were friends about his ex girlfriends and now he was good in the sack so naturally I was curious and wanted to have sex with him. I was the one who kissed him first. One day we went to the beach and he gave me my first orgasm. This lead to the beginning of this intense relationship. He turned out to be a pothead, smoking weed every day. He no longer was nice and caring and became a control freak. He didn't like any of my friends so I distanced from them. Since I didn't like him or wanted to be with him I would break up with him constantly. But he was always on the other end of the phone waiting to get back with me. Always knocking on my door professing his love to me. And there came a point that he would ignore me when I would break up with him. Since he had been so sweet to me I believed he loved me and was just obsessed with me. He would constantly text Me and then one day he got tired of me breaking up with him so he stopped showering me with attention. I would tell him I was attracted to him that he didn't make me happy and he played the victim role. He would manipulate me into doing his homework for him and abandon my own homework to do his. By the end of the relationship I actually confronted him and said I wasn't going to do it and he said he would find a girl he knew at school to do it for him. I found out by his ex friend that he had cheated on me with this girl as we'll that he would exchange sexual favors for homework. I confronted him about it and he said he just said that bc he was insecure. Fast forward four years later. I found out recently by him and his new girlfriend that he had cheated on me the whole relationship. That he had sex with his now new girlfriend on valentines day and the day after we had arrived from a vacation from New York and many other times at the park. He told me he loved his now new girlfriend and how come I had sex with him when I knew he was in love with her. But he never told me in the beginning he was in love with her. But that he only saw her as a sister. I don't understand how someone can be such a liar. He told me now he had been obsessed with me. That I was the one to put him down and make him insecure about his looks and that is why he found a non superficial relationship and connection with his new girlfriend (who is pretty by the way). When we broke up for good he would tell me I was prettier than his new girlfriend and smarter, to feed my ego I guess. He came to my house one day crying and drinking my parents alcohol saying he loved me so much that he loved me like he loved his brother and he knew everything about Me. And he had sex with me three time that day. At first I told him no that I just wanted to sleep and hug him and he insisted on the sex until I gave in. I found out had cheated on his new girlfriend that day. I told his girlfriend about it and she said all men cheat and that she cheats too. That they love each other but hurt each other and don't trust each other. That she needed him. One day he was skating in front of my house and I was getting in the car with my cousin who just moved in with my family and came from Cuba. So he had never seen him before. He told me he was going to put naked pictures of me online and that I was a slut. I called the police on him. He called his new girlfriend to pick him and he left the scene. I told his mom about it but his mom didn't believe it and he just denied everything. He wanted deeply in his heart for me to go running back to him to want him back. I feel so emotionally drained. I have so much anxiety after everything that happened. I cannot trust people and I am stuck in this victim role. Saying that all people are this way. That no one can be trusted. That the world is ****ed up. I've become so withdrawn and agoraphobic. It's hard for me to keep a conversation with someone because the voice inside my head is always turned on. I'm constantly ruminating over the past. Over everything that happened. Being a masochist. I might add I have really low self esteem issues and a lot of self-hatred. I also gravitate towards perfectionism. I don't have the courage to cut myself but I've hit my legs to the point that I get many bruises. I would do this in the relationship in times of distress and my now ex bf wouldn't tell me to stop. It just made him run away and I understand why he did. I used to be bulimic until I met him. I thought he cared for me getting me to stop. But I think he was just disgusted by it. I believe this man just used me for sex. My self esteem issues are pointless. I have a banging body. A small waist and big butt. My ex bf told me that he thought I was one of the prettiest girls in our grade in high school. I would write so much more but I'm afraid I'll bore you all and drain your happiness. Lol I haven't slept much these past few days and last night I took 4 codeine pills that my mother has. The night before I had taken 8.

[Travelinglady]

You have been really through it. If it's any consolation, because men like that can be so charming, a number of women get fooled by them. I am glad you were finally able to break away from him. It sounds like he takes advantage of everybody.

Since you are still struggling with the effects of this relationship, then I really encourage you to seek out a therapist, so you can learn to trust again and work on your damaged self-esteem.

[SnailLover]

I'm so sorry to hear you had to endure a relationship such as this. I have been in a similar boat. These men are very charming and manipulative, they know exactly what they are doing and how to do it to perfection. The good thing is, you are away from him and secondly you are able to recognize the abusive things he did in the relationship so you know what to look out for in the future.

It's not going to be an easy road to repairing yourself but you can get there. Try not to lose hope and trust in everyone. I know it's hard. I've been there and somedays I wonder myself... But I have met my now husband and he is very supportive. (He has gone through abuse too) First and maybe one of the hardest things is to work on yourself and do not worry about finding another relationship right now. I know most don't go looking they just happen. But until you work on your self esteem issues from this man breaking you down you are in danger of meeting the same type of man.

If you can see a therapist I recommend it, but please feel out the therapist. Some are specialized and do not deal with the effects of psychological and covert abuse. If they do not recognize the abuse you stated above as such find another. I know this from experience. My counsellor chaulked my abuse up to the abuser having diabetes. Because apparently diabetes makes you attack people and put them in a state of terror for almost three years... Worst excuse I've ever heard! If you cannot find a therapist google to see if there are any on a sliding scale for a reduced fee or call around to different programs to see if there are volunteers that you can talk to.

Keep posting here so we know how things are going.