[Yismymindblank12]

My dad told me not too long ago, I remember this very well now. I got beaten and jumped people wanted to kill me when I was a young boy just to get me out of the picture for whatever reason. I had a bday party my dad mentioned and my dad just said, "yeah our piece of **** of neighbors told all the parents not to show up to my party, with all these lies about me."

It was after my parents called the cops when I was called into the office when the good touch bad touch lady showed up. I remember everyone hated me and made fun of me, but no one knew that I was violently beaten and raped by their son. I told the police and school faculty. He threatened to kill me and my family and have me an orphan. I remember the 14 year old boy got pissed the **** off, his name was josh, but I don't know his last name had said, "what the ****? That little **** is lying. I'd never did that." After his parents got on his case about it. He did this to me when I was 4 years old. His parents hit him and he took it out on me, physically and sexually. I thought he was my best friend, but he used me.

I remember the parents found out it was true and so they were covering for him. He was free from being put in prison or charged, except he has a restraining order if he went 100 yards of me. He goes to prison. So he moved out, the parents were sticking up for him. They made sure the parents, called me a "satanist, fag, and saying I'm a liar thief, and an excuse for a child." This was so messed up I couldn't even make this up. My parents know about it, I remember it. All my therapists thought I was lying. I wanted to kill myself as a boy before I was 10, because I remember always saying what I say now.
"Why does everyone hate me?" "No one loves me." I said it not from perceived circumstances.
That was my life as a boy, I was jumped beaten and these kids wanted to kill me, because they were tired of me. I always got in fights. The kids thought they are putting out the "bully", but I was raped and survived it from multiple people as a boy. I was beaten all the time from ****** people like this. I don't mean like one punch. I mean they tried to break my bones and ribs. I remember getting punches and kicks in the nuts till I threw up. I remember the kids threw me over a fence to have me killed. They scapegoated me for everything. It was true and not some weird nightmare story I lived with hanging over me. I now have closure this was really real. I have proof of it. At this bday the one kid's parents paid him to show up, my only best friend, this one boy I wasn't close with and my 2nd kid crush showed up and she liked me as a good friend. She was nice.
I didn't try to get mad a lot, because they would of done the same I did and kicked everyone's butt after being raped and know one knows how serious my situation was. I still suffer being left abandoned and not loved. Because everyone was hard on me, no one gave me encouragement or made sure I was ok. They gave me stern looks in dissapointment just for existing. I wasn't experiencing something from psychosis, I was tortured by a community out in the middle of nowhere in a small town county school.

I am still mad. That guy wasn't put in prison. I still believe he needs to go to jail. Someone tried to do it to me again in highschool. I wanted to beat him down trying to sexually assualt other females and me after me being his friend. It wasn't something friendly he was being very creepy and not in a funny way even though he was well liked. He was a rapist, I can tell. I know what people are like that before, but I couldn't fight him or else I would of gone to a really bad school in the inner city at the time in the middle of the hood where lots of kids have firearms and shootings occur in those neighborhoods a lot. I live in notoriously violent city and surrounding area, where lots of drugs are being heavily sold and dealed around the states starting from my city our biggest illegal exports were magic mushrooms. They were destroyed in the second biggest drug bust in america about a year or two ago for the mushroom farm and heroin and meth.

I'm telling you this, because I'm glad. I'm not being laughed at and my life hell wasn't a lie. It seriously happened and it's incredibly hard to believe. I felt I was in a third world country it was so corrupted and remote.

I know I have lots of crazy posts, but this is why. I'm telling you, at 20 years old. It still shakes me up, of how much hell I went through. That most kids never went through unless you were in the deep hood or in my situation or in a third world country. That's just the jist of what happened in my hell of life.
Why I have a hard time falling in love? Trusting anyone? feeling safe? Feeling lonely all the time? feeling like no one loves me when I'm having psychosis? Why I have existential depression. It was from that. I would say 17 years of it. I've seriously pulled myself from the pits for real.

I wish my dreams from then and now come true.

All I want to do is help people, in legal situations like I was in and actually help the victims not shame them like I was.

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

I would say 17 years of it. I've seriously pulled myself from the pits for real.

I wish my dreams from then and now come true.

All I want to do is help people, in legal situations like I was in and actually help the victims not shame them like I was.

Hello Yismymindblank12: Thank you for sharing your tragic experiences with us. I would say you certainly have pulled yourself from the pits. May your dreams from then and now come true. Good luck with your studies!

[Yismymindblank12]

I am tying to be close to people, but now I don't know if it will be possible given my current circumstance.

[Yismymindblank12]

I don't want to date, or be close because people are mean and don't care. I'm not afraid of trying to be friends, with a person. Talk to girls, or my guy friends. I have no problem in the confidence, but when I realize this person is ****** to me. I avoid them obviously and it's like that's all I find negative ****** people and those are the same people who tell me I should be more positive. What am i doing wrong?

[shezbut]

Very gentle hugs to you,Yismymindblank12.

The horrors in your childhood certainly do sound very damaging physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It isn't uncommon to lose faith and hope that our world can be a good and safe place to be in life. Hopefully, you've finally gotten some help from a decent person who is devoted to helping you work through your memories of these events.

I just wanted to let you know that there are people out here that do care and don't want others to suffer either. I also experienced a difficult childhood (in several ways), so I can relate a lot to things that you've said. I, too, carry a devotion to do all that I can to prevent kids from living damaging childhoods like the one that I suffered.