[mommaxo]

Dear Ex Boyfriend,
How could you possibly make me out to be the bad guy?
Our relationship was toxic. on both ends.
Don't you think for one minute I forgot about all those times you hit me.
I remember your christmas gift you gave me. That black eye.
I remember you telling me you wanted me to die.
I remember you telling me no one was going to want to be with me,
and i was going to die alone.
I remember you telling me the cops wouldn't belive me, because I'm crazy.
I remember you trying to pressure me in to bringing another girl home, and then me being upset, you yelling at me, and hitting me, and then denying it.
I remember you accusing me of cheating on you, and hitting me for the first time. when I rushed home from the bar to see you, after you ditched me there and embrassed me in front of crowded room.
I remember you telling me "at least my parents love me"
You told me you would never lay your hands on me again. you promised me. You made all my past mistakes an excuse to put your hands on me.
I changed. I got help. You refused to. I tried to pick up the pieces, fix our relationship, get support. You neglected me. I felt so god damn alone.
Even when you touched me. You said you were sorry, but I never believed it. Looking back everything is a blur. I can imagine the reason for this is because I'm still traumatized from all the crap you put me through.
Not only did you play the victim after everything, but you called the cops on me (another promise you managed to break), you put me in shelters, in jail, and now I'm pregnant, and my unborn baby is already at a risk from being taken away from me.

That night still feels so fresh in my mind. My feelings for you anyways.
I don't know how i manage to hate you, but love you so much. It's twisted, and it makes me sick.

You have completely turned my life upside down. But I guess If it wasn't for you . I wouldn't be stable, happier, sober, and independent right now.
but doesn't change me honestly hoping you burn in hell. I actually felt sorry for you being beaten up so badly. You probbaly don't remember because you had a concusion but i was trying to comfort you, I held your bloody head. You screamed at me to leave, told me you didn't love me anymore, called the police, and I had no choice but to leave with them. I'm not sure why you left our apartment after me with a baseball bat. I'm not sure if you were planning on hitting me with it. Everything happened so fast. The Alcohol didn't help. But I always knew that one day something really bad would happen to either one of us, and i guess it just had to be you.

[kaliope]

I am so glad you had the strength to leave this relationship. you made a good choice.