[ThisWayOut]

we talked about some really heavy stuff in session yesterday. I told T some details, and it was such a relief to not carry it all alone again. I left feeling really good (spent and raw, but good). Today it's more just raw. I think a lot of it became more real when I told her, but some of it also got more distant at the same time. I don't know if it makes sense, but it feels as if some of what I told her was merely a dream that I misinterpreted as memories... I had told her I wasn't sure if it was accurate, but that it was stuff that felt very real and accurate. Only today it doesn't. None of it does, but at the same time it feels like giving voice to it also made it more real. How can it be real and unreal at the same time? I know some of it happened, because I have outside corroboration (friends, family, documentation of it from professionals), but even that feels like something out of a movie or tv show...
does "precessing" stuff in therapy ever confuse you more? I don't know if this is my walls going up around all of it or what is going on. I know I had told T I couldn't call some of what I talked about by the term she labeled it because it made it feel worse. I told her I didn't think I was strong enough to look at it all through that lense and not crumble to pieces... not quite sure what to make of all this.

[BLUEDOVE]

Please trust yourself on this,I cannot remember
anything before my first day at school,when dear M.
was telling me to shut my F'n mouth as I was crying. BUTTT, knowing dear M. and although I
can't remember, 'I KNOW' she would have went
berserk at potty training- I KNOW THIS,but it must
have been so horrific I cannot access the memory.
Trust dear self,and little self.