Issues with dentist and bad memories of past abuse

I am having some issues at the moment. I talked to the T and I know that I need to say the words. The words that I am feeling and what is going on in my head. But I can't say them at the moment. I just can't bring myself to verbalize the words. I know this is common so it is nothing new and I know what I need to do to get to the point I can verbalize it. First I need to write it. SO I am gonna share with you guys.

**************************CAUTION TRIGGER WARNING ********

I had a dentist appointment a few weeks ago. Well more like 2 months ago. I had a crown done. Man was it difficult, The procedure itself was painless. That went smoothly. The part that caused the issues was the imprints/molds. It reminded me of the rape. I thought I would be ok with this dental visit. The crown before that was tough but not to bad. But this time..... oh had I only known. The dentist was great, and he understood my dilemma to some point. But when they put the stuff in my mouth to make the molds it just hit me. IT was warm and gooey. It was just to much. I couldn't deal with it. The dentist stopped and tried again. They told me not to swallow. I tried that but I could feel warmth running down my face. They told me it was ok, that was supposed to happen, but it didn't help me any. In my mind it felt like cum and being forced. My mouth was to full and trying not to swallow and stuff oozing out of my mouth. It was just to much. I could feel little pieces of the mold starting to trickle own my throat and I just wanted to cry and tell they, PLEASE!!!! Don't you understand what this is doing to me. I know they could see the fear in my eyes. But there was no other way to get this procedure done. I thought I was finally getting over all this stuff. I thought it was finally getting easier to deal with. Boy was I wrong. This was just another reminder that the hell never really goes away. I just can't seem to express the gripping panic I felt setting in that chair at someone else's mercy saying don;t swallow. My mouth stuffed full and warm gooey stuff oozing out and all I could do was set there rand let it happen. Much like when I was raped. Just set there and let it happen. Him cumming in my mouth and laughing as it oozed down my face.

I have a dental appointment in a month for a root canal. I am going to have to go somewhere that does sedation because this is more then I can stand to go threw again at this point in time. I know there is noting anyone can say or do to help but just being able to say the words help more then you may know.

Thank You Yoda. It is nice to hear from a friend.

((Big Mama))

I think you have done really well to put this down in writing. My experiences are very different from yours but I think I can see what you are trying to say in terms of not being able to cope with something that reminds you so much of the abuse you suffered.

Sedation sounds like a good plan to me for any future work. I've had sedation for dental treatment a couple of times and it was fine, but I did feel rather out of things when I came round. You might want to make sure you can be with someone you really trust for a few hours at that stage.


Bluegrey

Thank you Bluegrey. I plan on having my son take me to the dentist and back home and stay with em afterwards. He should have fun picking my brain and laughing at me as I come to.