[lostmymarbles]

i've been trying to post this but somehow i keep deleting it. maybe by accident or maybe not. i don't know. i was sexually abused for years. it started before i had breasts, or had gotten my period. before i liked boys or stopped playing with dolls. it happened before i was afraid to walk home from my best friends house at night, or sit in the woods alone looking for inch worms. it went on for years. then one summer i went to slumber camp. that was a great summer. i had no friends. the other girls thought i was weird. sometimes i'd find myself pacing the bunk in the middle of the night not sure when i woke or what i was doing. none of that mattered. that summer noone touched me. its been years and i've had a miserable life. i've been a drunk and an addict. my friendships quickly wither and die. my relationships, of which there have been very few, cannot sustain my craziness, my issues with sex, my self-injury, my death wish. my mother yells at me that i have to "stop blaming everyone else for everything". i dont. i blame myself for not living a life of isolation. i make noone happy so its my fault they wish to god i would go the *&^% away. what i want to know is why i have to assume responsibility for the messed up shell of a person that i am. the half-crazed suicidal-every-other-week piece of crap that i've become. wheres the justice? why am i paying for someone elses sins?

[Rhapsody]

<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>

I wanted to let you know that I do understand how you are feeling and the power/anger behind the WHY questions you ask, for I too feel the same way.

I can only speak for myself, but I personally feel that each and every abuser should own up to their personally part in the h*ll hole they have created in another and all for what - but mere sexual pleasure.

And - - - - I made sure that all of my abusers did just that (well the ones I could find) - I told them straight to their face how I was feeling, about the h*ll I have been made to suffered with and what I felt toward them..... and with that moment came my place second realm of healing - I let go of a lot of junk that night four years ago.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[mtd]

I can relate to how you feel. There is no justice in this, but the real you is worth fight for. And you don't have to be alone in your stuggle. I have faith in you. The fact that you yearn to find justice in what you have been put through proves that you have a beautiful spirit and that you have the inner strength to reclaim yourself fully.

be well,

mtd