[Breana]

I need to get this off my chest...

I got really drunk with a close friend at a party. At some weird baked goods that messed me up bad. I couldn't stand or move very much at all, the room span, my muscle's were limp. My friend drove me to his house and set me on a bed. Then he kissed me good night. Before I know it he slid between my legs and started to have sex with me. All I could do is move my head around to see what was happening. When I woke up he said he came in me and I had to get plan B. I felt really weird and violated.... but he was a friend, was I asking for it. but i trusted him. I feel stupid, still to this day.

Not only that but a few months later I went on a date with a man who bragged bout his beautiful house. And his wonderful daughter and antiquities. I had a bad feeling but I went over to his house anyways to see his lovely home. I got in and he gave me the grand tour, it was gorges. But then he told me to sit on the couch, he sat next to me and started to kiss my neck. I told him I didn't want to do that. He just kept telling me how sexy I am, he kept going. unbuttoning my pants while I told him not yet. He just pushed further and further. Untill I gave up and let him have his way.... what was I supposed to do? He could have done something worse if I tried to leave...

These events still bother me today...even if they aren't...rape. I think... its bothersome... I wish I had advice. Does someone else feel this way?

What you described in the first story is rape. If you were not able "say yes" then it's rape. You weren't asking for it. You did nothing to deserve this. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I don't know what to call the second one, but it's clear that your will wasn't heard and I can understand why you felt violated. If that kind of thing happens again, you should try to leave. If you say no, that means no.

[Breana]

I felt like something worse would come of me if I left... I was scarred. thanks for your thoughts. its a scarey thing to have to be in.

[Breana]

nothing like thatwill ever happen again.

[nicoleflynn]

Listen to your gut feeling don't put yourself in situations where this can happen. you can contact RAINN...I have heard good things about them (regarding rape).

[Curiosity77]

That was DEFINITELY rape! That is very difficult to process and get through. So give yourself permission to be deeply affected, and try not to beat yourself up. It was not your fault, what they did was criminal. If you didn't day yes, it's rape. Period. Is there counseling available to you?

[Curiosity77]

One more thing - you did nothing to deserve this. It wasn't not your fault, it was their fault. Being intoxicated or being in someone's home does not equal consent. Rape is never the victim's fault.

[JamesO2]

While it was not your fault at all, make sure you are learning something from this: trust your gut feeling, do not ignore it!

You had a bad feeling about the second guy. In the future, definitely follow that gut feeling. It's there to protect you and guide you.

As for the first situation, I'm not sure what can be learned there, other than you now know you can't trust that friend. I'm sorry this happened. You didn't deserve it. And it would be fully within your rights to take him to court. If that's something you'd want to do.

And yes, it definitely was rape. You are not over reacting. You have every right to feel violated and used and any other feelings you're feeling.

[BadWolf]

Both were rape. Both were not your fault.

Have been in a similar situation (a kind of combination of both of yours) and I'm still not comfortable calling it rape.

I don't even think I should feel bad about it. It was my own fault.

[jjishere]

Originally Posted by Breana

nothing like thatwill ever happen again.

I believe that both times were rape. The first time it sounds like you might even have been given a date-rape drug.

First, I would like to say that most people think of rape as something a stranger does to you. The fact is that most people are raped by someone they know, even if it is someone that is an acquaintance. The scenarios goes something like this: You are walking down a dark alley, a man comes up to you with a knife, threatens your life, you try to scream, you fight for your life, but you are raped. And that TV's version of rape, but most of the rapes that take place are not so dramatic.

The reality of rape is that most rapes are commited by someone you know, even an acquaintance. One in every 4 American women reports being raped; who knows what the real numbers are?

If you were in a situation where you felt you had no choice, even if you did not say "NO", it can still be rape. I spoke to a therapist on this one and she told me the following: Very often people "freeze" when this happens. They can't think of anything but that they have to get out but they don't know how they can get out. It is called "Tonic Immobility". Look into it. if you did not want it, if you were in fear or shock, it was rape. Very often women don't scream or fight because they sense that they may be killed if they do this ... so freezing up and just 'letting it happen' ... is not consent.
I am truly sorry this happened to you. I know how we tend to self-blame. You know when you want something and when you do NOT and my guess is so did he.

[dogzrule]

Both were rape. Consent can only be given verbally by a sober person. Neither of these situations indicate that you gave consent.

Please don't let this keep bothering you - please get some help. There are people who can help you deal with this. I didn't get help after I was sexually assaulted and I later entered into a physically abusive relationship because I didn't believe I deserved better. The sooner you can get the help you need, the better. For me, I finally admitted everything to my therapist and the weight off my chest was indescribable. Being able to talk openly about what happened and really, truly own that neither of these were your fault will probably help you tremendously.

I hope you are able to get some help, and soon. No one deserves to have this happen to them and you certainly shouldn't blame yourself for any of it.