How 'secret' do you keep your abuse history?

I am starting to share little bits and pieces. No one knows all. I don't think I am even able to admit to myself all. It is so hard I know. I tell my T a little piece and then wait a few weeks and I will say something else. I had to fill out some paperwork the other day and my T told me to be honest - it was imperative that I was honest. It was really hard, it was even harder when I looked back over it. It has me quiet off center and this was only a tiny piece of my history. I don't quiet know how to deal with this.

Well, here goes....My abuser died last year at age 56, he dropped dead while drunk. He didn't die before I told my Mother about him. I was 46 years old before I ever told her.
My wife knew about him from about a year after we were married. She thought he was a nice guy and he was making moves on her. I went to him and threatened him that if he tried to put any moves on my wife I would tell everyone about the repeated abuse he did to me.

At this point in my life I believe that the abuse caused my illness. I know I was just a kid, 9 years old and he was so much stronger than me but, there were times I just allowed it to happen. I don't know why.

I moved away at 17 and never looked back. Never had any contact with him, his family or most of mine. He was an older cousin. A weird-o, sexual pervert , thief, liar and overall freak that affected my life in ways I cannot and will not ever reveal.

I can relate to everyone and thier feelings about the abuser(s). To just say you hate them is too kind. Also, to let them to continue to affect your life shows how much control they still have over you. I perfer to just keep it secret and to try and get on with my life as best as I can. Sure there are triggers and I go through moments of anger, sadness and wondering why I didn't tell and why I let it go on for so long.

Sending good vibes to all of you.

A handful of therapists and pdocs know indepth. My medical doc knows a little. My boyfriend and 3-4 friends know in depth. A handfull of friends know the basics. Another online support I was part of knows indepth. I have jsut started a blog about my experiences in life and therapy. It seems to be a safe way to talk about it without people knowing who I am. I feel compelled to talk about the issues and my experiences, but I feel most of the world does not want to know about it. I don't go to great lengths to hide it. If somebody wants to meet me on a thursday I tell them I have therapy--if they ask why--I tell them for abuse and recovery issues--if they ask for details I give them to them. I have not always been this open--it has taken a lot of therapy. I hope one day to be able to help others who are struggling from these issues.

Oh, and pretty much the whole world knows I am an addict/alcoholic. I don't hide that at all.

i did not know I was abused, that is until I was in therapy when in my early 40's. So the Counselor was the first . Actually I was the first to learn along with the Counselor.. I mentioned some things to a family member. Told a few friends.. Other than that I tell no one. I don't think friends or folks need to know...I have limited memories,

I sometimes think remembering has been more harmful than healing. Actually shattered me... I don't know why tho..