[XSleepingSiren21X]

Today I learned a few new things about my parents that my mother NEVER shared with anyone until now with me. It was a little shocking to hear and a big odd to know that these things really happened in mine and my parents life, it was really an exclusive and interesting discover.

I've found out that my parents were both sexually abused when they were young, as well as my fathers 3 brothers were also sexually abused by their neighbor. My mother was sexually abused by her neighbor/babysitter, describing some detail to the extent of her ongoing childhood abuse with her parents also.

I was a bit astounded to hear that really happened and how it explained why me and my brothers abuse was a relation. All though we've never been sexually abused, we dealt with a carried on dysfunction with our parents, like their common verbal and emotional abuse. Almost to say that it was simply passed on to us, we went through a significant period of same abusive behavior from our grandparents as well as other family members.

There was also another discover as well with my parents, I've found out that my father was physically abusive to my mom when I was an infant/toddler. I, of course don't remember that and never experienced it, but it was definitely something I started to really think about when I was told how he treated her.

She told me he used to beat her, slap her around, choke her, and attempt to smash her face in the ground. I never thought of my dad this way, only because he never did that to me or my brother before. Not to mention he seems so calm and laid back at times, but I've seen him angered.

It actually struck a cord in me to think, my father has never done that to me, at least I don't think and I have good memories. My father would and had never laid a hand on me even over the things that wouldn't be my fault. I've made him mad before, but had never experience him hit me or do the things he did to my mom and he still sometimes does these things to her now. My moms told me how just a few weeks ago he got upset with her and was about to throw a chair at her.

This also made me realize how much of a difference I am compared to my mother. I know all my life my father has treated me a little better than my mom and it's caused some conflict between us. I was given more affection than she did, was treated with more respect and trust. Considering all the reasons for my dads favoritism for me over my mom and brother, could possibly be because I shared similar genetic characteristics and traits with him. I've always been his girl, I sided with him often and have just an overall close bond and relationship with him and I think it is the reason he has no reason to cause harm to me, like he does with my mom.

Of course my mom in this case has had jealousy over me and has shunned me and never completely taken me in as her daughter. So I spent my entire life being raised to have expectation to act and be familiar with masculinity in everyday life. Growing up to be his future prodigy and to take life dominantly. Since my brother after all wasn't anything like my father really and they had a distant relationship, I took on my roll as being my dads legacy, as to say, but I can't be so sure that's how he thinks.

Overall he never makes fun of me or tries to make me feel intimidated. If I were to put myself and the rest of my family on a scale, I'd estimate that I would be second place of dominance and leadership skills. To say, but probably isn't as realistic, I would be above my mother in this general thinking, my dad would, in his words, choose me over her since I'm more controlled and obedient.

To my mom, he's a constant bully sometimes and only to her, but only when she provokes him.

I kind of feel sorry for my mother a little that he treats her like that, but then again, I'm just like him unfortunately and we both know we're too prideful to feel sorry.

It's all a connective chain of abuse.

[kaliope]

well now that you see the chain you can do something to break it.....