[*PeaceLily*]

A while ago i got away from a domestic abuse situation with my parents.
I had lived with my father for many years. he had been very emotionally and physically abusive growing up. my mother kept telling me I needed medication and this caused me repeated episodes of mania which kept me trapped there.

My sister didn't talk to me for almost 5 years! I have 4 brothers and sisters and everyone knew where I lived, 9 I was still living in the old family home,) but she never reached out to me. I ended up weighing 6 stone there so depressed knowing nobody at all, and the only people I knew that I had to talk to or turn to were my parents who had caused all this in the first place!

Because I had mania I had to leave uni twice due to have mixed manic episodes brought on by the medication my mother said I needed. ended up stuck in this situation until I was 26. During this time, my sisters went to uni, hung out together, went to clubs and had friends and boyfriends. I literally lived in a room. I had no one to speak to at all. Even when I got away to a womens refuge, my sisters didnt contact me. Even when i was so desperate, I wnt out with a drug addict because i hoped he would help me get away, and ended up taking drugs, no one contacted me to see if I was ok, or to try and help me leave. All I wanted was to leave my father's house, but I kept being told I needed medication, or when I lived with her I said I was having bad memories from childhood

Now, my sister is in contact with me and feels bad about it all. But I am angry to be honest! I was left there by myself until I ran away to a refuge when I was 24. Then I end up at my mother's who says i need mediction again, and the whole cycle starts again.

My older sister could have helped me more than anyone.All I needed was someone to help find me a flat to live in,(due to the side effects from the medications,I had to give up work and had no money,) and not tell me i need medication.Everyone thought I was lying about stuff I was telling the truth about. It took my sister less than half an hour to arrange accommodation for me.

I don't get why I had to be 26 years old before anyone would help me. I literally spent 8 years living in a room, or trying to get away from him. For some reason my mothr kept telling me to take medication, as opposed to helping me leave. I don't know why, but she is not well. She always said I needed medication whenever i said I was unhappy living with my dad, and also when I lived with her and I told her I was having bad memories from living eith him/childhood, and i said that I thought it was normal- like a grief, but she said it was going on to long,( it had been 2 weeks,) and I needed medication.She actually got me the medication from the doctor behind my back which isn't even legal.. She then got my older brother to contact me to tell me to take it, because I was no longer listening to her telling me to go on medication. It gave me agitated mania again which she blamed me for.I stopped being able to go out, so she stopped buying food to 'motivate' me. I was eating plain bread and coffee each day. She never called a doctor.

My sister wants to have a relationship, but I feel like where the hell was she all those years??? If I'm totally honest, I want to forget my family exists. It is so painful, and I feel so angry. They all left me somewhere where i wasn't even able to cook-that is why I lost so much weight.I was a skeleton there. I wasn't even allowed to empty the bin or open/close the curtains or hang my washing up,I wasn't allowed to do any washing up, I couldn't pick something up off the floor, or watch a tv show i wanted to watch....this is when i was in my twenties!! I was called an animal and a failiure by him when I used to be an over achiever prior to leaving school and going on medications at 18.I wasnt allowed an ambulance to the house when I took an overdose because he said he didn't want to be blamed if I died. I wasn't allowed ANYBODY in the house. No friends...not that I had any anyway, but no support workers or anything.I wanted the crisis team to come see me, but they wouldn't be allowed in the house. I didn't even get to see psychiatrists/counsellors. I got to see a counsellor once when I begged for one, but when I got upset after a session and told my dad i was unhappy with him and my mother, he turned on me and told me it wasn't his fault I was a failiure.

I don't know how it can ever be ok when I have lost so many years of my life to this needlessly.For me, it's a life sentence. There's situations where I have been in danger which i would never have been in if I hadn't have been trying to get away from him.

I feel like i can't forgive my sister. She's very nice to me now, but none of this had to happen to me and she was a bystander who sided with my mother who had always allowed us to be abused. I just don't get it. I feel like I want to get away from my family, but she is the only person I know in the world.
I feel like I'll have to deal with this for the rest of my life. My sister and my mother have both actually admitted that I lived worse than an animal when I was living there. My mother has actually said that no human beings really live like me...even whilst I was living with her and still bouncing from one medication to another.What the hell?? I'm a human being.How could someone's family allow that?

I feel like I don't want to know my older sister or any of them, but that makes me feel like such a terrible person.Plus, it means I'm totally on my own.I feel like all my family is just a bad memory.What do you think? My sister and I used to get on great when we all lived together. I don't get how she was ok with what happened for so many years. Given my story and what happened, I have been told on another forum,coincidentally RIGHT before I had to move in with my mother because my landlady needed the room back, that I shouldn't have contact with any of my family- but then due to financial constraints due to not having been able to work for so long due to what happened, I moved in with my mother and thought it would be ok...I couldn't believe how bad it actually ended up becoming

I feel i am literally constantly angry at losing all my young adult life to living like this.I got away when I was 25, and I spent my whole childhood dreaming of the day I could escape,and it never happened like that for me.I don't think any human being is meant to walk around THIS angry.It can't be healthy

xxx

Hello PeaceLily: I'm so sorry all of this happened to you. I have some idea of how you feel. I'm now in my 60's & I still carry allot of anger with regard to what my parents did & did not do for me. I don't think they meant to be neglectful & abusive. Back when I was growing up, they would not have been thought to be so. Standards were different then. But what they did & did not do left me essentially destroyed inside. At the first opportunity, I moved away from them & only went back for brief visits a few times.

I was an only child & my parents are long since dead. So, at this point, I'm just left with the anger. I try to practice forgiveness. I think they undoubtedly thought they were wonderful parents & I was just an ungrateful piece of ****. I suspect they died wondering how I turned out to be so useless.

I sometimes wish my relationship with my parents could have been more positive. But I know that, without some major family therapy, it could not have worked. And, as I wrote above, my parents thought they were just models of good parenting. So they no doubt would not have been willing to even consider that something like family therapy was necessary.

What this all suggests to me, in terms of your situation, is that in order for you to have any kind of ongoing, meaningful relationship with your sister & your mother, it seems to me you are going to need to engage in some in-depth individual therapy geared toward resolving the deep anger you feel with regard to what was done to you. And, in addition, you may find that there is going to be a need for you & your family members to participate in some family therapy. The alternative, it seems to me, is for you to participate in individual therapy to resolve your anger & for you along the way to decide what you can & can't handle in terms of your relationships with your family. Based on my own experience, I don't believe you can just keep stuffing your unresolved anger back down in order to maintain relationships with your family so you won't be alone.

I wish I had a suggestion that would enable you to easily resolve your deep-seated anger yourself, & establish new positive relationships with your family so you won't be left alone. However, from my perspective, I would have to say that this is probably just not possible. Still, this is just my personal perspective &, as I have tried to describe above, my perspective is tainted by my own history. I wish you all the best.

[Mrs. Mania]

I have some in common with you, I have issues with family members wanting me to be ok with who abused me and attend a family function with him present. I have not seen him in over 9 years. I saw my mom, dad and sister in Oct for the first time in 2 years. While I want to honor my parents and maintain a relationship with my sister (who at on time was my bf) I think this request it ridiculous.

[nicoleflynn]

You cannot change the past, but you CAN change your future. How about counseling? Channel your anger into something positive....helping others, perhaps.....

25 is still young you have a long life ahead of you , I know your sister was not there for you when you needed her but she is reaching out now and my advise is grab it !
Be thankful is wants to be in your life ..and talk to her about your hurt and why your upset with her for not helping you in the past . But once you let it out you and your sister need to start a new chapter in life and begun to heal and grow for the better .