I left my ex on October 13 of this year and all hell broke loose. We had a child together, and while I guess I technically "left", she kicked me out. I left my child with her because I had nowhere to go and wasn't about to make my 10 month old homeless with me.
The story is a long one, but I finally left for good because I couldn't handle her anymore. She was controlling (pretty much why I haven't been on here much in 2 years), manipulative, and screamed at me all the time. I would get upset to the point that I would try to walk out the door to calm down and she would block me from being able to leave and would start screaming at me. She would scream for me to hit her. Twice I had depressive episodes due to the stress and she would physically restrain me so I couldn't leave. I pushed her off once. Later in court she alleged that I hit her and have been physically and emotionally abusive.
I'd felt uncomfortable with her for a long time because her actions always seemed weird to me. She'd been stalking her ex friend and ex girlfriend (who are now together) the whole time we were together, but I never really asked questions. Maybe because I just didn't want to know. Or I was stupid. IDK. She went to the point of filing a false DFCS report on them to try and have their children taken away. She tried to convince me to call because I'm a mandated reporter, but I didn't even know these people so why would I make false allegations against them if they weren't doing anything wrong or I hadn't even witnessed it? Her actions escalated and apparently my family has seen it from the beginning. My mom finally told me that she's been stressed out the whole time I was with her because her actions were so controlling. I had to ask permission to go to the bathroom. I don't know why it took me so long to see it.
The sad part is, I work in the Domestic Violence field...and I couldn't see it happening in my own home for almost 2 years. I'd been wanting to leave since shortly after my son was born (I gave birth), but I felt guilty at taking him from her so I stayed hoping things would get better. My therapist even thought it was messed up, but I just didn't listen I guess.
After I left I was going to do 50/50 custody with her because I didn't want to take my son from her. Things were in her favour. a few weeks before I finally left I did cheat on her (and am in a relationship with the woman now, which is a whole other complicated situation) and she found out about it. I know what I did was wrong, but it had nothing to do with what was going on between her and I. She contacted the husband and riled him up so badly that he was trying to find me to beat the crap out of me. She was trying to get me beat up and ruin this woman's life. And I just lost it. I didn't want her a part of my life.
So I contacted the ex friend and ex girlfriend to talk to them and get their side of the story. She was the same with them. She's been stalking the ex friend for 10 years and tried to steal her child. And her ex gf's child. And we counted 6 other children from her past that she has tried to take. So I went for full custody. Somehow she found out that I was going to pick up my son and take him (I had a place to stay by this point) and when I showed up with a police officer to get him, I was served with a protective order where I was to have no contact with her or my own child. I have NEVER felt so angry in my life. She told the courts that I was mentally unstable and was planning on killing myself, that I abused my son, that I hit her, that I was using drugs. All this crap that was just lies. The judge became uncomfortable with the situation and had my son taken in to foster care until our court date, 3 weeks later.
During this whole time she continuously hacked my email, facebook, tumblr, instagram, and anything else online. When she was suddenly aware of conversations I'd had in private and in person, I became paranoid that she had bugged my phone and I completely shut down with opening up to anyone about what was going on. I got so stressed that I lost it at work one night and walked out. I had a 2 week suspension from there, which ended up being beneficial so I could get myself together and get ready for court.
On her tumblr she continuously told lies about me to our friends (of whom I have lost as friends since because they believe her lies), and she continuously texted me harassing things to try and get me to sign away my rights to my son.
I won in court, at least for now, and have sole custody of my son. The donor suddenly wants to be a father which is also making me paranoid, but that's another discussion to.
I guess...I don't know what to think at this point. I'm not violent. I'm not abusive. Or at least I don't think I am. I've never insulted her. I just feel like she's messed with my head so badly that I don't know what to think anymore. And I'm writing this now, almost 2 months later, because I can't hold it in anymore. Maybe she will find this. Maybe she has all ready hacked this account. But I need to let it out. I need to talk to people. I feel like maybe I am as bad as she says I am. IDK what to think. I'm not sure what I'm even asking for in regards to advice or suggestions. Maybe I'm just looking for someone who understands or has been through this.
I feel so messed up. And at the same time I am in love with this other girl. And I'm terrified that what if I am this horrible person that my ex has told everyone that I am and I end up hurting my girlfriend.
I don't know. My mind is in a million different places.

[gloamingone]

You poor thing! I can't imagine the hell you went through with her! And your poor baby, too. I'm sooooo glad you were able to get sole custody and pray it stays that way.

Are you in therapy? After every abusive relationship I was in, it took serious therapy to get my mind back on track. It didn't take too well, obviously, because I had three abusive relationships in a row. But that's just because I didn't stick with my T.

You are NOT the person your ex made you out to be. If you can get some kind of restraining order against her, go for it. She's still hurting you, and that needs to stop ASAP. It will help you start to heal.

In the meantime, try to get into therapy if you can. It will really help you get your head back on straight.

Best wishes to you in your journey to freedom.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ThisYearsGirl]

Hi Aanga,

Sounds like you've been through some horrible times. That sucks. I am also recovering from an abusive intimate relationship--I've been out of it about a year. My ex had borderline personality disorder, and from what you've written, I'm betting yours does too. It's a sad disease because it's specifically geared to ruin close relationships--nothing else like it.

Anyway, yeah, scary to know so much about abuse and still not see it. I didn't see mine as abuse for a long time either. It's understandable to feel messed up about it. You're totally not as bad as she said you were.--nowhere near, and I can say that having no idea who you are. I speak from experience when I say that maybe you need to look more closely at yourself to see why you stayed and what you learned. When you're in a crazy relationship like that, it's hard to stop and think, hard to see reality. But now it's quieter and it can be about YOU in your head again.

Hope that's helpful.