[SQLVR]

I have a history of sexual abuse as a child and was later in an abusive relationship with a partner. Now I am terrified of being touched in any kind of intimate way. I had a experience about a year ago were I tried to be intimate and had to stop. Not being able to even cuddle has really upset me. I was wondering if anyone here has a similar experience and if it is something that can change, are there types of therapy that have helped you?

[pegasus]

Well yes, first of all it's accepting that your reactions are understandable and it's about you trying to keep yourself safe in the here and now. I wouldn't be looking for a certain type of therapy, but more about a therapist you can truly trust and have a connection with.

Originally Posted by SQLVR

I have a history of sexual abuse as a child and was later in an abusive relationship with a partner. Now I am terrified of being touched in any kind of intimate way. I had a experience about a year ago were I tried to be intimate and had to stop. Not being able to even cuddle has really upset me. I was wondering if anyone here has a similar experience and if it is something that can change, are there types of therapy that have helped you?

I am desperate to talk to someone about 'touch'. I avoid any touch. I hate intimacy, as it makes me feel disgusting & violated. It has ruined every relationship I have ever had. I won't be hugged or cuddled by anyone & when I have 'had' to have intimacy, I have zoned out or got drunk before, so I don't have to feel 'present'. How can I be helped with this? I can't see how talking about this with my therapist will help me.

[tryingtoo]

I understand how thinking talking to your therapist won't help you, but if your therapist is the right fit for you it will help.
I have been through a similar situation, and it's all about acceptance. Acceptance of the abusive situations, acceptance of yourself now as a person, and acceptance in knowing that you may just not like the physical/sexual touch!
I hope this may help some

[Just keep swimming]

I still have trouble with being touched, but things are changing. What's really helped is working with a therapist who specializes in dealing with childhood sexual abuse trauma. Her emphasis is on my feeling safe and trusting that I'll take care of myself if a situation makes me feel unsafe by speaking up, leaving, etc.

We also do some EMDR. I don't know how it works but it's toned down my anxiety in general and specifically my anxiety over being touched. Now when someone goes to hug me, I back up and tell them I don't like to be hugged. For some reason, feeling like I'm the one who get's to decide when I want to be touched has made it easier to accept touch and relax.

So I'm actually enjoying being touched by my husband instead of tensing up, grimacing and waiting for him to stop touching me. I think the difference is that I can communicate with him more and I trust myself to stop or change what ever doesn't feel good.

There were also some deep issues about feeling like others could tell that there was something wrong and repulsive about me just by touching me. Dealing with that self-loathing was a pretty big deal.

Learning how to respect my feelings around touch has let me relax and enjoy being touched. I don't know that I'll ever be "normal" about being touched but that's OK as long as I can enjoy being touched by people I love.