[Canyon]

I was wondering if there were other people here who are still in the court process following a rape?

I was kidnapped and raped earlier this year and have been struggling with the process that the legal system can put a victim through. I find it all to be so awful and leaves me feeling so isolated.

I know that an assault is not something that someone wishes upon themselves, but I often feel that the entire legal process has been a huge continuation of the violation. It often seems worse than the original attack.

I was kidnapped/ raped while at work. It is something that I tried to keep from my boss. The fact that I had been missing from work for so long combined with the physical and mental state I was in once I was released left me unable to hide what had happened.

My boss called the police (with me begging and pleading for him not to). That began what has been a terrifying, lonely, shameful, and degrading process that I find myself in.

I don't know when all of this will end. We have done a couple of pre-trial hearings but an actual trial date could be a year or more away.

The last hearing was a couple of weeks ago; that hearing was for the defense to request that my medical and psychiatric records to be made available to them. I could not bring myself to go to that hearing and have not had the courage to call the DA to see how it went (they have not called to tell me either).

The idea of them having my psychologist on the witness stand is horrifying. I feel like I'm being ripped to shreds again.

I can't bring myself to go back to therapy. I feel like I really have no where to turn that I can trust.

Since the attack I have left my job and pretty much checked out of my life entirely.

Anyone else here going through that?

[SoupDragon]

No l have not gone through a court process, but wanted to say how sorry l am that you are facing such an awful thing alongside the original crime. If you are uncomfortable seeing your current T, I wonder if you are able to access a different one? l also wonder what Voluntary services may be available to you, far example rape crisis? Soup

[Canyon]

Soup, thank you so much for the quick response.

The DA's office did give me the info on a victim's advocate. From what I was reading about the service, it seems like more of a liaison between the court system and me. I think that may be more helpful in preparing for the trial as it nears. From what I have read though it does not seem to be a counseling thing.
They did however give me the number to the women's helpline in the area. I called it when it first happened. It was not the most helpful. They mainly made sure that I was safe from my attacker and gave me encouragement to seek help. They do offer counseling on a short term basis. I just don't want to open up to someone, build a rapport with them and ultimately only see me for such a limited time.

I think one of the big things is that I have basically become paranoid of people.

I live in a small town. This made the papers in 2 states. I have had people who know the attacker sort of track me down (why i had to leave work).

Everyone here has opinions. No one is short of sharing them with me. I really want to work towards getting away from here. For now, I just stayed hold up prisoner in my apartment for fear of running into anyone.

[SoupDragon]

what a difficult situation. l get how all those experiences have led you to want to stay at home. It must be hard to know who to trust and what private / personal information would be shared with the court if you did open up to someone. l hope it feels safe enough for you to continue to seek support here on PC. And l guess to hold on to the fact, that despite how very difficult it feels at the moment and the lengthy sounding court process, this will all pass. Take care. Soup.

[nicoleflynn]

I have heard good things about RAINN (support for rape victims). Hugs, Nicole

[sabby]

(((((((( Canyon ))))))))))

I'm so sorry that this happened to you and you have to deal with the courts now. It's a long and drawn out process and very difficult for a victim to go through.

I strongly suggest that you keep reaching out for help in dealing with your situation. The more you reach out, the better off you will be in getting support. Lord knows you deserve all the support you can get right now.

I would also get a hold of the DA and ask them to stop the court from allowing the defense to get your mental health records. Your mental health should have nothing to do with the abuse that was inflicted upon you. It's worth a shot!

My heart goes out to you and I wish you only the best.

[Canyon]

Sabby, Thank you very much for the kind words.

I'm really finding this place a huge help at this time, even if it's sometimes just reading or posting in the fun areas.

The DA did say that she was going to try to draft up some kind of creative motion to get the records suppressed. She didn't seem too optimistic about it's chances. She and my therapist both had warned me that this could happen as a way for the defense to say that I'm unstable.

My therapist did say that he has an attorney himself and that he would try to fight turning over the records or at the least try to get out of having to be called to testify. I'm hoping that works.

[sabby]

You are most welcome hon.

It just frosts my cheeks that they may have the right to call your mental health into play. If you are unstable, what's that got to do with the price of tea in China? Does that mean that someone should get off a rape charge because you are unstable? Oh HELL no....not in my book it doesn't.

But, I understand that each defendant has the right to build their case and question you and yours. It just sucks in situations like this though and I so understand how this could adversely affect you.

I hope that your T will be working closely with you through this difficult time so that you can deal with the stress of it all and stand up strong and tall for yourself.

Take good care of yourself!

[blueredgrey]

Dear Canyon,

I am so sorry for the pain you went thru.

I wish I had any better words or suggestions for it. I'll be lying if I say that I get your pain....becoz I wasn't raped and I don't know what going thru court systems are like. But I'd give my thoughts and huge apologies if any of it hurts you or puts any kind of pressure on you or triggers anything unpleasant.

1. As nicoleflynn suggested, pls do reach out for RAINN (or any similar organization in your country). Ask them, or ask your DA if you can meet with any person who has either survived this court process or is currently going thru it. Meeting ppl going thru similar pain would really help you support thru this trying times. I think you already know that and that's why you entered PC forums.

2. I understand defense attorneys are doing their job.....but somewhere down the line, they are counting on you to blame yourself for it (as if!!) or think that it was your fault (as if!!) or convince court that you were asking for it (as if!!). They want you to fail so that the sick monster can walk away. Stay strong. Don't give the defense attorney or the sick monster what they want by weakening.

3. You are very brave for going thru it. I have huge respect for ppl who stay strong. A rapist usually has 2 to 5 victims before someone stands up thru it and goes to the grueling process to send where this monster belongs - jail. You will be doing many women a huge favor and protecting society at large by going thru the court process.

4. Don't worry about what your therapist says - NOTHING that happened to you or reasons you accessed therapy for is your fault. Don't worry about what they'd say. They are professionals too and duty bound by oath to protect their client. I don't think your therapist will say anything which would hurt you or damage your case.

And this is something I tell all survivors -

5. Learn some solid kickboxing or martial arts or strength training - Rape makes victims seem powerless. When you do this sort of stuff, it helps you regain a sense of power and control.

6. Write about it - Writing is very therapeutic. Not only it would help you heal, but it would also help you clear your thoughts. I think memory and reading parts of brain are separate and even when you have imagined it thousand times, writing and reading gives a different kind of feel to it. You process it differently.
It would really help you thru your grueling process.

And again, respect for standing up to this monster and going thru the Court. If things go your way and this monster is jailed, you'd be doing a lot of women a huge favor.

If possible, maybe you can relocate to some place new?

my best wishes!

I am really sorry you are going through this. It must be hard. I for one haven't gone as far as court but I have went and reported to my school and the cops (which I was questioned for over 8 hours while my offender didn't get questioned as much. Honestly I could not all those questions, I even broke down because they repeatedly asked why I didn't do anything during it.. (and those were cops and DA)). They rejected my case in the end which broke me pretty much. In a way I think its good that you have made it so far through it because you have a chance at getting justice and I think you are very strong. I do hope that all of this turns out well and he goes to jail for what he did. And I hope that its not so traumatizing for you as much. Im sure all will be all right with your therapist and whether he goes up on the stand. He seems like a therapist who really cares about his client.

*hugs*

[Canyon]

Originally Posted by sarah_s3555

I am really sorry you are going through this. It must be hard. I for one haven't gone as far as court but I have went and reported to my school and the cops (which I was questioned for over 8 hours while my offender didn't get questioned as much. Honestly I could not all those questions, I even broke down because they repeatedly asked why I didn't do anything during it.. (and those were cops and DA)). They rejected my case in the end which broke me pretty much. In a way I think its good that you have made it so far through it because you have a chance at getting justice and I think you are very strong. I do hope that all of this turns out well and he goes to jail for what he did. And I hope that its not so traumatizing for you as much. Im sure all will be all right with your therapist and whether he goes up on the stand. He seems like a therapist who really cares about his client.

*hugs*

Sarah, Thanks so much for finding this thread and responding to it. I was pleasantly surprised to get a message saying that someone had responded after so many months.

You brightened my holiday a bit. Just to know that someone could still see what has been going on with me-- even after I have been away from the site for several months.

Thanks again. I hope that you are doing okay as well.

We have a little place here where I live that does BIG things for survivors of childhood sexual abuse and adult rape victims.

From counseling, to support, to advocacy - even helping victims get through the court system and all the unpleasantness that entails!

Perhaps you may find a resource like this in your area?

It burns my butt too how the victim seems to be put on trial instead of the damn perpetrator!

Sending good thoughts your way and hoping you find the proper support to help you get through all this and emerge on the other side stronger than you ever thought possible!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[Canyon]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

We have a little place here where I live that does BIG things for survivors of childhood sexual abuse and adult rape victims.

From counseling, to support, to advocacy - even helping victims get through the court system and all the unpleasantness that entails!

Perhaps you may find a resource like this in your area?

It burns my butt too how the victim seems to be put on trial instead of the damn perpetrator!

Sending good thoughts your way and hoping you find the proper support to help you get through all this and emerge on the other side stronger than you ever thought possible!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

Thanks Pfrog.

I have seen the victim's advocate a couple of times but only when I have met with the DA. I'm sure she is probably good at her job; I just didn't find her helpful at all. She just sat there at the conference table and never spoke a word while the DA talked to/ questioned me.

The program that you're talking about sounds wonderful. If I see the victim's advocate again, I will have to ask her if we have more services in the town that I live in.

Well I was just trying to give support. I hope everything is going well for you now though. And merry Christmas (or happy holidays) 🎄🎅🎁

[RainbowG]

Canyon, I'm saddened and angered beyond words at this crap you have to go through in the name of "justice."

I've never gone through this experience, so I can't offer you much help with the legal issues. I do, though, want to say that self-care is of prime importance right now.

It can be so helpful to get support from those who understand. I'm assuming you aren't seeing a therapist. I agree with blueredgrey and nicoleflynn that RAINN's resources are a place to start: https://www.rainn.org/get-help. In our area, we have a local information phone line that can direct us to local resources for a particular issue. Perhaps you have something like that in your area? Also, maybe books will be of help. You can look on Amazon for "Resurrection After Rape" and "The Rape Recovery Handbook."

I can totally understand if you don't want to deal with what happened, especially with the legal runaround. That's up to you. But doing that can put you in a position of greater strength as the matter progresses in the courts because there's nothing more empowering than self-care.

thats such a traumatic thing to go through. i am here for you.
dont let people force you into taking the court path. do what you want.

i chose not to do it because i would have broke down if i had to see my abuser again. also i didnt want to have to relive it in front of people and talk about it explicitly. i want nothing more to do with him.

[precaryous]

Dear Canyon,

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I went through it many years ago.

I realize you first posted a year ago. Has the case been resolved?

I guess what helped me the most was having a strong working relationship with a T who also understood the legal system. You will need to establish a broad base of support.

<3
Precaryous

[Canyon]

Thank you so much to all of you guys that responded. It has really meant a lot to me.

I was asked if the case has been resolved and the answer to that is not yet. It is ironic that the thread was revived now because I am due in court on the 20th of January for a pretrial hearing and possibly a trial right after that.

I have been feeling myself get more and more panicked as that court date draws closer. It has been almost 2 years since the attack/kidnapping, so I know that I will need to go through this soon. On some levels I'm grateful that it didn't go to court sooner, but I'm afraid that I've really not begun to become ready for this, and I'm afraid that I have mostly spent this time trying to avoid even thinking about it. Much less recounting it in front of a courtroom of strangers and the person who did this to me.

Terrified.

I hope you less terrified or anxious and that all goes well for you in court soon. I know it has been two years and its frightening to go back and relive the whole experience but hopefully this will be nearing the end of having to relive it. I do hope you heal and become stronger and that your life will turn out much better much support and hugs I send to you!!