[Lady Lindsey]

I am frustrated.... I believe each of us joins these forums for support, acceptance and a safe place to chat....I certainly have met some great people and have received more support since joining this forum then I have ever had before... so Please don't take anything I say offensive... I just have a question....

Why is it that it seems like people are very supportive, if you are diagnosed with depression, or PTSD or a number of other mental issues, but a few stand out like a sore thumb and people shy away from them?

It seems like the ones that may need so much support are the ones with the most stigma attached to them.

Yes, I am a CSA survivor, and if I were to tell someone that they would tell me how terrible it was and how it wasn't my fault.. If I say I have PTSD from a traumatic accident, I get lots of support, If I say I am depressed I have friends try and cheer me up... If I say I am a CSA survivor, who suffers PTSD and am often depressed... Society accepts this, they understand, they are compassionate.

But lets just say oh along with all of that, I deal with Anorexia... Then people act like you have a disease they are afraid to catch??? They chastise you, they shun you?

Or if you say, I dissociate, lets say all the way to D.I.D, because of the CSA, along with the PTSD and the depression..... they look at you like you are crazy... they can't get away from you fast enough.. they are afraid of you.. like you might change and stab them or something... I mean you could have a friend for 10 years, and the friendship is good, you tell them what really is going on in your life and they all of a sudden are unavailable all the time... or better yet you have a doctor who has been amazing for 12 years, you finally tell her you have D.I.D and she doesn't have appts for you any longer...

Why is it that some Diagnosis's come with such stigma... and others come with such support. Seems like I see it a lot and I just don't get it???

What scares people so much and why is there so much stigma around certain diagnosis and yet there is acceptance around others.... There is enough shame with any type of diagnosis, but then when the stigma and shame become that much more real, when certain diagnosis are disclosed... it just makes it that much harder on people that need support.

I am not saying that any Diagnosis is not difficult to deal with.... but a person who has a mental illness, is often stigmatized while someone who has a physical illness people rally around..... it makes no sense to me that people that need the most support and love, are the ones who often are the ones shunned.

[kaliope]

thanks for speaking up. you certainly are speaking the truth. i am the facilitator of a nami group. i volunteered to "run" the group because i wanted to have a support group in my area. so this woman came to the group that i liked very much. she was bipolar like me and another woman in the group. we had fun swapping bipolar stories. she commented how comfortable she felt because we had so much in common. she came back week after week. then one week i was upset with DID issues so i talked about that. i am new to DID and really frustrated about it. she was incredulous. she commented, dont you run this group? and it was like i was not allowed to be "so ill" and lead the meeting. bipolar was fine, but DID? she never came back again.

i think what it is is about education. some dx's are more common therefore more people are educated about them therefore they are less frightening. the less educated people are about an illness, the scarier it is for them.

[mimsies]

I understand you, and I wonder the same thing. I totally agree. Other diagnoses that people have a problem with (if they know anything about them), are Borderline PD, Histrionic PD, actually many of the personality disorders. I get that one would be very wary of someone with Antisocial or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (I mean for one's own safety and sanity), but some of the others really need support.

I have to say in my experience only other people with issues rally around when they find out I have depression, anxiety, and PTSD, But this is not necessarily true of other people. Others often disappear, or try to give me absurd advice, some actually say that I seem nice but they don't need that kind of negativity in their lives. I actually tend not to let it slip, some of my Dx's. Recently, I had a nurse in the ER be downright confrontational about my conditions. I didn't know what to think or how to react. It's not like any of it had anything to do with the toothpick impaling the top of my foot. I only mentioned it because it is part of the medical history and my meds were obviously for anxiety and depression. I mean, I'll grant you I was babbling and in a cold sweat, but I was in a lot of pain (I do NOT recommend this kind of non-serious injury to anyone. Not only does it hurt, but it is really hard to explain).

For the brain injury... people really don't get it. They don't have a problem with the fact that I have one, but they are not at all supportive or tolerant of the symptoms that accompany it. Many many people just think I am not trying hard enough...

I think that in many ways, how mental illness is portrayed in movies, TV, books, etc. helps cause this. People with DID are regularly portrayed as killers. People with Anorexia are portrayed as vain and selfish. Whereas Combat PTSD has gotten a lot of attention so people sort of understand it. I have encountered people who didn't believe PTSD that was not from combat was actually real, though. They thought it was just people whining about the past and blaming their problems on someone or something other than themselves.

[Lady Lindsey]

Mimsie. I'm married to a borderline. Love him to death. But man can he be difficult at times....

May I ask how you put a toothpick through your foot? Sounds lile something I would do

[mimsies]

Originally Posted by Lady Lindsey

Mimsie. I'm married to a borderline. Love him to death. But man can he be difficult at times....

May I ask how you put a toothpick through your foot? Sounds lile something I would do

I'm pretty sure I said it is hard to explain...

SO... I sit forward in the computer chair, fairly straight up, but with my legs sorta curled underneath me, and my toes curled under. so the tops of my feet are facing down towards the floor. It is a spinny chair so I sorta swing back and forth in it. There was a toothpick embedded at an angle in the carpet, and on one of my swings, I jammed the top of my foot into the toothpick which went in about an inch and a quarter and broke with maybe 5/8 of an inch sticking out.

I tried to pull it out with my fingers. That hurt so much I got dizzy and my vision started graying over, plus the tooth pick didn't budge. I would have tried again with pliers, but it was REALLY hurting by then, and neither of my parents were willing to hold my foot still while I pulled, and my son wasn't home (he would have been willing to pull it out himself I bet). So... we went off the the ER instead. They got it out with the hemostat- one doctor holding my foot still the other pulling the toothpick out. Once they got it out, they were amazed at how far in it was.

The nurse quit being hostile, too. I think she realized I wasn't having a bad trip or in withdrawl or anything, but was just really in a lot of pain while being amused at my situation at the same time. After I was no longer in pain, I was far more lucid and apparently really funny. I kept cracking her up.

Of course, everyone who knows me just shook their heads and noted, once again, that I have the weirdest accidents and injuries.

[A Red Panda]

Just gotta say mimsies.... that sorta cracked me up. I'm sorry to laugh at your pain! But of all the luck! (My closest was getting a nail stuck in my foot/shoe. It was attached to a 2x4 block of wood, which kept lifting when I lifted my foot, so I couldn't get out!)

I think a lot of the reason why some diagnoses get more support is knowledge. Some of the more common illnesses/disorders have been being spoken about a lot more. The media obviously has a big role in making the stigma worse. People fear what they don't know. Sometimes also, someone can get scared off because they aren't sure how they could help the other person - failing to understand that leaving is one of the worst things they could do!

[Lady Lindsey]

I agree that the Media has played a roll in some DX's being portrayed wrong... DID is one of them... So many times they think of the Movie Sybil or the Three faces of eve and they have no clue what it is really like. So unrealistic the movies just make me angry... I guess they call that Artistic License.

I live next to a military post and watch so many of our soldiers come home, there lives changed forever with life changing injuries and nightmares of combat and PTSD. So Mimsie, I understand how people could think PTSD is only for soldiers.

It's funny I have so much support from friends and family with the fact that I survived and statistically un-survivable shooting. The chances of living were 5% and the chances of keeping my cognitive function was 3% of the 5%, (some may debate if I kept my cognitive function..grin). However I am blessed and I know it. I am not certain why I survived, but It has drastically altered my path and course in life.

I am truly trying to look at life differently, let go of the past and enjoy the present. I get frustrated, with the depression that sneaks in on me, or all the other stuff that happens with my DX, But I keep trying and trying.... But the worst of everything is the stigmatism that goes with my Primary DX. I denied it for years, I still go back and forth denying it... it feels so shameful and invalidating... which just compounds the problem and perpetuates the problem.

I am very good at pretending and hiding and being whom I need to be for every situation. I think we all do that to some extent... I am just a little more separated than the everyday Joe.. grin.

If anything, I am stubborn and I will continue on this road to recovery... it is painful, it hurts and it turns your whole life upside down.

It hurts me that the people I have met here are some of the most caring and supportive people I know, yet they live with the stigmatism of some sort of Mental or emotion needs that have not been met, and continue to be invalidated and stigmatized. I just don't like loosing a friend or a really good pdoc, just because they find out my DX, sometimes It is just better to be quite.... and not say anything... people don't want to listen. They just want to hear what they want to hear... When you need support the most, you get abandoned.. just perpetuating what has happened to so many and keeps the cycle going.. How do you heal, if the stigmatism is so strong? That at times, I deny everything myself...

[mimsies]

Red Panda, honestly, I am really glad it cracked you up. I thought it was hilarious, even when I was in pain. I was vacillating between shaking in pain and shaking with laughter.

Lindsey... ya know, it *just* occurred to me that I myself dissociate, but don't have a Dx for it. I mean my therapist knows that I do, but it just isn't something... I have ever discussed with a PCP or even my former psychiatrist. I'm just... used to it I guess. I think it is one of the reasons I always seem very calm and cool, because I spend the vast majority of my time sorta apart from myself, almost like I know that I *am* feeling emotions, but I am not experiencing those feelings (I don't know if that makes any sense). And on the few occasions when I am just way to overwhelmed to cope, or am in a position where I am trapped, I just... go away- I feel nothing that is actually happening to my body, I like take off and explore the universe. Apparently sometimes I can even function that way, react and talk, but I only ever have a very vague recollection of that. Honestly- I find it kinda useful, though I don't actually know that it's really a healthy way to approach life.

I guess for me, HEARING or knowing someone's Dx (EVEN Antisocial or Narcissistic) isn't enough for me to stay away. I pretty much base it on behavior- what they do and how they act. I avoid people who scare me, and people who make me feel bad- I don't mean their stories make me sad or angry for them, but they actually suck my energy and life force, even then it is because I can't afford it, not because I don't want to be supportive.

[Bluegrey]

Thanks for starting this thread, Lindsey.

I think it's true that people can be frightened by a dx, but even with the more 'socially acceptable' conditions people can still be dismissive or have impossible expectations. I try to value each person for who they are, because everyone has worth, but so many people just don't seem to care. As soon as someone has been struggling for that little bit 'too long' all the support just melts away.

Mimsies, thank you for that story - it must have been awful at the time, but you tell it so well that it made me smile, which is a bit of an achievement at present!

[Lady Lindsey]

So what I am finding, is that even here, people get uncomfortable with people with certain DXs...... I shouldn't care but I do. Maybe I should have left this thread alone.

[mimsies]

Originally Posted by Lady Lindsey

So what I am finding, is that even here, people get uncomfortable with people with certain DXs...... I shouldn't care but I do. Maybe I should have left this thread alone.

I am glad you started the thread. I think that it is good for people to at least examine their prejudices about different Dx's. Everyone here needs support. Everyone.

I seldom know what a person's dx is on pc unless she or he discloses it. I will shy away, though, if the poster is regularly argumentative and blaming towards others, and seems to create threads that cause a lot of drama and flare ups.