[Skywalking]

I was stalked for about three years by someone very scary. It was in conjunction with another situation I can't talk about openly, but suffice to say I was told that I was in danger of being hurt or killed because they were attracted to me. I was also being told that I *was* being hurt and not remembering it. They half had me convinced they could read my mind with the stuff they did and said, so I wasn't safe anywhere at any time. (I use "they" because I don't want to talk about who they were and using a neutral pronoun feels better.)

It's been over 10 years since I had contact with them, and the logical part of my brain knows that they moved on and I'm safe. But they aren't in jail or anything and there's nothing to stop them from coming back, though they probably won't. And while I usually know that the things they said were just mind-controlling threats, sometimes I get scared that it was all true.

I still get that awful fear sometimes. I'll be bringing groceries in after dark and get hit with a fear that they're out there somewhere, watching me. When I'm unlocking my door sometimes, with my back turned, I get hit with that fear. Sometimes I'll just be about to walk into an empty room and be struck with a fear of going around the corner because they might be in there. I get startled easily because of that, especially when people walk up on me or are somewhere I didn't expect them to be, and especially when they touch me unexpectedly. I can't stand it when people encroach on my space.

It doesn't take over my life, I can usually just deal with it pretty quickly.

I guess why I'm writing is I had an upsetting dream last night where they were back in my life, doing the same old things, and in my dream I completely reverted to the younger, stupider, more vulnerable person I was then, rather than the stronger, wiser, more protected person I am today. It was and is upsetting to be so forcefully reminded of how I was, how I felt at that time in my life. I don't usually dream about it and I'm trying to figure out why this happened. It's been a very long time since I had such an intense dream.

It's awakened a lot of things this morning. I feel so regretful of my decisions at that time, ashamed of the person I was then, fearful again that it's not over, angry at myself that it's been so long and I'm still not over it, angry at them for doing this to me. When they walked off scot free and I'm left in pain and fear that doesn't seem to go away completely. They were so, so sick. Absolutely sick to do this to me. I wonder sometimes where they are and feel like a mouse hiding, hoping they will never come back, though I have no promise they won't.

Like I said, I deal with it fine most of the time, I just feel bad about it today. I worry that they might see this post and it will start again.

Thanks for reading.

First,

Second, I'm no dream expert, but I would see it as assurance that you are much stronger now and able to protect yourself against this person's mind games and threats. Regardless of whether or not they resurface, the memory of them lingers, but you can and are dealing with it. I'd call that a good, positive message.

[Skywalking]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

First,

Second, I'm no dream expert, but I would see it as assurance that you are much stronger now and able to protect yourself against this person's mind games and threats. Regardless of whether or not they resurface, the memory of them lingers, but you can and are dealing with it. I'd call that a good, positive message.

Admittedly I don't feel that way about it, but maybe I'm just not seeing it clearly. Thank you for the perspective.