i need to get out some of these thoughts. i'm sorry if they trigger.

i was severely sexually abused by my uncle aged 3-11. only last July did my story come out.

my uncle raped me throughout the years. he hurt me so badly. he made me bleed. i wet the bed and drew pictures of the abuse - classic childhood signs - but nobody ever noticed.

i am terrified of him. my grandma (his mother) doesn't believe me and continues to see him. he is a therapist specialising in trauma (i know, i know, he is a narcissist). i can't bear the thought of him being out there.

his hands used to rip me apart. and i can't bear it, i can't stand the flashbacks. it was so disgusting and perverted and sick and wrong. i felt really hot and bloated after, like i was dying, there was so much pain. i didn't know what to do.

i feel so guilty for never DOING anything; never STOPPING him. i just LET him have sex with me and do all these awful things. i was a doormat.

and that makes me feel awful.

[SoupDragon]

I am so sorry you have experience those things. It was he who should have not done those things to you, how can a 3-11 year old have any power over an adult? Not only would he have been physically stronger, but also would have had psychological power over a child.

I am sorry too that no-one ever noticed and that even now your Grandmother doesn't believe you.

Have you told your T and your care team?

Hugs to you, no-one has the right to do what he did to you.

Take care. Soup

[Frankbtl]

Hi 8888an8888, please DO NOT take the guilt that should be rightfully his. I'm sure you've heard this before..........but there's no not saying it............it was not your fault!!!!
You didn't "let him", he did it...........there's a massive difference there.
You were in no position to consent, you didn't have the power to stop him, and that's completely understandable........you were a kid. It was something that happened to you and you would never, ever have chosen it, right??!!
And I am sorry that it happened to you and that no-one spotted the signs
But you know, massive respect for speaking out about what happened to you, that alone says that you have amazing strength!!
So please keep on getting the help you need, I know it will be a far from easy journey working through what happened to you, but with that strength............!!! You do not need to be all that he did to you........and with time, with help.........
And your grandma...........**** what she believes, we know better, right??!!

Alison

[Zulalives]

Oh that is just horrific. It hurts and brings tears to my eyes to know that innocent children get used and abused in such vile ways.
I pray that you get through this successfully and am so sorry no one saw the signs.
You were a child, you didn't let him do anything. He's a full grown adult who took advantage of your innocence and size. Please don't place any blame on yourself, you didn't do anything wrong, it was all his doing.
xx