[Daidiebug]

Could you ever really trust someone again after they tried to strangle you/choke you out? I mean even if they do everything right afterwards? (which he is not) But is it possible? Ever?

I'm just not feeling it

[CANDC]

Sorry you have suffered from abuse. No one should have to go through that.

I think it is difficult to trust when someone has badly broken trust. To me the question would be: "Do I feel safe?" If not I would want to go somewhere where I felt safe.

Here are articles about how to deal with or get out of abusive relationships. Talking to a therapist specializing in survivors of abuse can also be a help also
Psych Central - Search results for Getting out of abusive relationships

[Parley]

I'd trust him to do it again. and then some.

[mimsies]

Originally Posted by Parley

I'd trust him to do it again. and then some.

I agree.

[dogzrule]

I can tell you from personal experience that my abusive exboyfriend promised he would stop beating me up, get counseling, etc, etc, and he never did. There is commonly a cycle abusers go through, from a "honeymoon" phase where everything is wonderful and you are treated like royalty, back to the abuse recurring. The honeymoon phase always comes again after the abuse as an attempt to keep you in the relationship. It's very hard to get out of and can require quite a bit of planning, but I wouldn't expect the abuse to stop.

I'm worried about you and I hope you know that you don't deserve to be treated that way - no one does. If you haven't read or learned about the ways an abusive partner tries to keep you in the relationship, you should. There are probably local resources near you too, like a domestic violence information center and/or shelter that can give you information and/or help you.

Websites:
Introduction - Domestic Violence
The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support
Home
Domestic Violence: Statistics & Facts
NOMORE.org | Together we can end domestic violence and sexual assault. Resources - NOMORE.org | Together we can end domestic violence and sexual assault.

[Daidiebug]

Thank you...

The question "Do I feel safe?" is one that seems to change depending on circumstances. It seems like when things are good and I'm not thinking about it, then yes I do feel safe. But if I run back through some of the major things that happened I start getting all worked up and upset and do not feel safe. And there have been plenty of times during arguments when I leave the room, and hear him stomping around and my first thoughts are always, "Is he getting a knife... is he going to come after me?" And I've had nightmares about him killing me. I remember one time I woke up in the middle of the night and realized he was standing over me and I really thought that was the end of me. (It turned out our hamster had gotten out and he had heard him near my side of the bed and so was trying to re-capture him).

But if I just don't think about anything, then I think I feel relatively "safe". And when I do start obsessing over things I always wonder if maybe I'm just overreacting. It's difficult.

And, I want to believe he will stop, that he's learned his lesson, and that nothing will ever happen again.

[dogzrule]

I think that question is the perfect gauge of a relationship. You should always feel safe. When I was with my ex I would "forget" the times he would beat me up, belittle me in front of friends, accuse me of things I didn't do, etc. just so I could have some semblance of "safety".

Even if he never hurt you physically again, would you want to live with the fear that he might?

No. Never. He does that = he's kicked out.