[Deershire]

(Triggering) I went to my therapist and case worker Wednesday. I told them about something that had been bothering me for a few days. My boyfriend and I were making out and he wanted to have sex. I told him no because we weren't allowed to where I live. He kept kissing on me telling me he wanted me and started pushing me down on the bed. He's stronger than me so I couldn't stop him. I kept telling him to stop but he started taking off my clothing. During sex he was rougher than normal and I couldn't push him off so I just stopped resisting. My therapist and case worker said I was raped. I disagree because at least 3-5 minutes it actually felt good when I gave in. I still didn't want to break the rules though. What do you think? Should I confront my boyfriend or let it go?

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Deershire

(Triggering) I went to my therapist and case worker Wednesday. I told them about something that had been bothering me for a few days. My boyfriend and I were making out and he wanted to have sex. I told him no because we weren't allowed to where I live. He kept kissing on me telling me he wanted me and started pushing me down on the bed. He's stronger than me so I couldn't stop him. I kept telling him to stop but he started taking off my clothing. During sex he was rougher than normal and I couldn't push him off so I just stopped resisting. My therapist and case worker said I was raped. I disagree because at least 3-5 minutes it actually felt good when I gave in. I still didn't want to break the rules though. What do you think? Should I confront my boyfriend or let it go?

Let me first give a dictionary definition of the word rape:
rape
verb
: to force (someone) to have sex with you by using violence or the threat of violence

another definition is to force someone to have sex without consent. Your telling him clearly "NO don't do that multiple times" was a clear sign to not have sex. He violated that.

Whatever you call it, he violated the integrity of the relationship by imposing his will against your will. He is acting in a way without empathy of your situation and demonstrates a complete insensitivity to your needs and wants in order to satisfy his physical cravings.

You say he was rougher than normal. Another sign of abusive behavior.

Not resisting can be a good defensive move so you don't get hurt but it was NOT consent. That was smart on your part to prevent getting hurt.

This does not sound like intimacy or love. I tend to agree with your therapist and am concerned that this act of abuse could take the form of other abuse. Once an abuser starts abusing, it usually happens again. I would have a safety plan if you decide to see this person anymore.

Here are articles that might be of interest.
Psych Central - Search results for Safety plan for abusive relationship

[Ad Intra]

I agree with what was said earlier, also your body was just responding to the stimulation. Sometimes you feel pleasure, but that does not make it wright.

He sounds abusive... Please don't stay with him... I would end it right there.

Forgot to say, yes it was rape.

[Deershire]

Thank you all