[Zaila]

Does anyone have those moments where you just ponder where you should go next?
I don't know how others felt, but for me I believed that my abuser was my life. He was abused growing up and I thought that it was my duty to withstand everything to show him everything would be okay, that maybe he'd see the world was okay. Now that I've left him there's times when i wonder who i am now. The previous belief is gone, I can't be that person that comforts someone, I'm not the one who is capable of withstanding a storm to seek out the ending rainbow. I'm just someone who could not take anymore.
I don't regret finally getting out, but it's just this underlying feeling that plagues me. How do we move on? How does your opinion of yourself change. The one solid belief is now invalid. I think of my future and I worry that I will fail college and end up incapable of finding a job, that i will never overcome the anxiety attacks or that I will be incapable of a healthy relationship (though my boyfriend has been completely patient there's limitations to how we can interact and I always worry at one point he'll want more when I'm still not ready).
How did others think of themselves after leaving their relationship? I'm about 5 months out of the abuse and I had thought that this would slowly pass and while it has gotten better it still comes frequent enough to be a problem.

[nicoleflynn]

Therapy can help. I was in a abusive relationship for 31 years, now out for 12. It does get easier; writing and journaling I found helpful.

[justme8]

Well i am on this page alot. What will i know do? I am lost and feel like i am lost in a huge body of water thats going to drown me at any time.
I just try to not try!
It is crazy but trying has not been any good for to get anything done ,so i do it know and this is so much better for me to do at least i can go outside today and not trip on wanting to go outside.

yes... i often wonder who i am without the abuse. that, to me, is the most terrifying part of it all. that it might be all i am - nothing more, nothing important, just a victim...