[abz21]

Hello, I am new to this site but I joined because I really feel like I need help from people who might understand my issues. For 2 and a half years I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. We were engaged and I loved him but it seems like I could never do anything right. He would get mad at me and tell me I was a ***** and I was fat and ugly and that no one else would ever love me besides him. When he would yell and scream at me and we would fight after the fight was over he would blame it on me and would tell me that it was my fault because if I wouldn't act a certain way he wouldn't yell. It gradually got worse until the day he had to drive me to the doctor's office and he threatened to throw me out of the moving car and I was so scared I called my mom and I left him that night.

I was very thankful to be out of that situation but now it is nine months later and I am very good at acting happy and putting on a smile for everyone. However, a lot of the times I just want to lay in my bed and stay there forever and cry. I have panic attacks occasionally and my self-esteem is in the gutter. The scariest part is on my worst nights when I feel so alone sometimes I actually start to miss him.

I don't know how to cope with this at all. I'm terrified that I won't ever be truly happy again or be my old self again.

[kaliope]

hi abz21
i am so proud of you for getting out of that relationship. it took me many years to get out of a similar one. it takes lots of strength. and like you, i found myself many nights missing the jerk. it is so confusing. it seems that you are exhibiting signs of depression which is perfectly normal but since it has been going on for so long it would probably be helpful for you to seek some professional help. what you lived with was very traumatic and you need help processing all those emotions. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central abz21!!! It's so nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums. I look forward to seeing you around!!!

[healingme4me]

It takes a long time to recover from such a relationship. I found it helped me, to read as much as I could about the how's and why's of such relationship dynamics. I also began therapy and joined an anonymous online support group. It was more group and reading than therapy, but therapy helped gel it together. Seeing a pdoc can help, stands to reason depression and anxiety would exist, as it's the type of relationship that can create a stress reaction.(i.e., ptsd). Being an active member of a community can help the process along more so than casual observer, not that it couldn't be done, as observing.

((((Gentle Hugs)))) Welcome to PC.

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[nicoleflynn]

Hi, and welcome! I stayed with an abuser for 31 years...I think educating yourself is a big key in healing: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. Getting into counseling can be a big help also