[chaos07677]

I'm a grown adult now, with a child of my own. Maybe having my son made things from my past more real Again. I grew up in with an abusive grandmother who lived with my family because my mother was very sick. Due to timing or my luck my mother's illness started right after my birth so of course I was the cause to my grandmother. Not a day went by that she did not remind me of this. My older brother was the so called golden boy that could do no wrong. My father was oblivious to what was going on he was and still is a workaholic. There was quite a bit of physical abuse as well as emotional. I also have asthma which made my life a living hell because it was easy for my grandmother to refuse my emergency inhaler, to make me suffer like I made my mother. My mom passed away when I was 18 and I was the last to find out, no one told me I found out when I went to the hospital to visit her. That alone bothers me To this day. As a child I spent mugh of my time daydreaming of what life would be like if I was someplace else. I still have these daydreams. I still want someplace safe where I know I'm loved where I can be a carefree kid again. I know this can never happen and it just feels like I have something missing that I will never be whole. My son is my life now and I need to put my past behind me so I can give him my everything. I just don't know how.

[mimsies]

There is no forgetting. There is only processing the past so that it doesn't effect you the way that it used to. If your are already seeing a therapist, good. If not, I recommend you try, preferably one that specializes in trauma- but even more important is one that is well suited to your needs and personality.

I thought this might amuse you: I have some visual processing issues and often see words wrong or mixed up, reversed, etc. When I first saw the subject line, I thought it said "How did I forget the pasta?"

[chaos07677]

Lol - I am a bit dyslexic so I can totally see that.
I have done therapy in the past and has not seemed to make any difference. But I may consider another go. Thanks

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by chaos07677

Lol - I am a bit dyslexic so I can totally see that.
I have done therapy in the past and has not seemed to make any difference. But I may consider another go. Thanks

there are many different types of therapies. maybe trying a trauma therapist might help more this time?

[Dog on a Tree]

I doubt you will be able to forget what has happened. I think what your seeking is being able to look at negative events in the past and have them be so raw and not have it be very painful?
You can get to a state where you look back on negative events and you feel comfortable because it's in the past, because you have come to terms with it, because you know your not like that and that your son will never experience that. What your grandmother did to you is weak but you as a person are strong. Never give up.