[PianogirlPlays]

This morning I realize just how much recent events have plugged into the childhood abuse that I suffered. Beaten and scared when little I have experienced quite a bit of harsh words, scary disapproving looks and rejections from friends and close family. The pain has grown. I have been in counseling. I currently am but every time I seem to work my way up there seems to be something knocking me down. Harsh words, rejections, cold harsh looks, separations even when I have tried so hard to give love. I try so hard to be kind, even generous and take care of what needs to be done. I try . I try . I care so much but this is close family. I naturally would care and I am much older and really there is no other place for me nor a place I would rather be than my own home. Sometimes they try and care too!

[sideblinded]

PianogirlPlays, it is really futile to look for genuine love and concern from people who do not have it to give. These people who inflict pain have most probably also been abused themselves. If they didn't seek help for their own abuse, you can't expect to receive the love that you deserve. You can try and try but you may be looking in the wrong direction. I would get some 12 step meetings under your belt such as codependency meetings. The healing process starts with you working on you. I am sorry that these people are your own family. It hurts it really does. We all want a place to call home but we need to do what is best for our own health.

I wish you the very best.

(((((PianogirlPlays))))))))