[sagebluesky]

so this is new for me...
I recently left a highly emotional, psychological, spiritual relationship to a cancer survivor.
So when we met everything moved fast.
I was smitten by all the attention she gave me. She was 11years older then me
I was 20 she was 31.
we spent a ton of time together in the beginning and we were attached at the hip.
She showered me with love letters, gifts, and attention and I just ate it up especially because I had a severely low self esteem as I used to have an eating disorder and used to be a self harmer as a child.
Anyway she was charming and highly likeable.
we hung out every day.
in the beginning she would undermine me by saying things like
"I'm older then you therefore i have more experience and wisdom than you"
stuff like that....and it really hurt....because i didn't think age had anything to do with wisdom or intelligence...
but i thought at the time well she could be right..she did go to university had a tennis scholarship and worked at a magazine. so she must have more knowledge and experience then me
she began to show aggression and rage ...
its been so long since then and a lot has happened since then
however....she was temperamental and always felt justified in her anger.
a year later we end up moving in together.
and she would have angry fits and which usually ended with me crying....
two months after that she was diagnosed with breast cancer
understandably so she was angry sad depressed
however...
all throughout her cancer experience she was angry bitter resentful was aggressive and violent
she usually took her anger out on me.
She'd say i don't do anything for her....the cancer was because we hung out everyday in the rain so that must have had an effect on her getting cancer.
And i believed her.
So as time went by the rage the outburst the emotional and psychological abuse continued.
Nothing was ever good enough for her.
No matter what i did it was never good enough.
I walked on eggshells every day.
And most days i dreaded going home .
I ended getting depressed and burnt out....i barely had the energy to make it through a day being around all the toxicity and cancer.
The whole situation was insane.
She also had me against my friends and family so i wouldn't hang out with them.
I was alone and completely isolated.
The verbal abuse was vile but it grew to a point where I actually became numb and was desensitized to her vulgarity the insults just rolled off my back .

i'm glad you felt able to share that with us. you've been through a lot of horrible things.

[nicoleflynn]

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. I think it should be required reading for everyone on the planet..

[sagebluesky]

thanks for the suggestion I'll be sure to pick it up sometime this week
I'm looking for self help books to help me through this time.
And thanks for the responses and taking the time to read and reply.
I really appreciate it.

[Fuzzybear]