[over8ted]

I'm worried about something I have been doing. I think I'm driving men away from me. I have only met a few but some of them seemed interested in me. I always had something in the back of my mind that was a reason not to go past a certain point. I haven't even kissed another man since I left my husband two and a half years ago. If any guy gets too close to me I think I try to freak him out in any way I can. And if he refuses to be freaked out, I cut off contact and tell myself he's a creeper or something. Ex was my first everything so maybe I'm just scared for that reason but I think it might run deeper than that. I think maybe I'm chasing them off because I don't want to ever be in a relationship again. Because I'm protecting myself. Has anyone else experienced this?

[CANDC]

Having a deep hurt like a broken relationship has made closeness very difficult. I really had to heal a lot to get beyond that rift. I just couldn't force it.

Sometimes a relationship looks on the outside to be totally normal. When I start looking more closely at how relationships made me feel, I start to feel some of the abusive, even if mental or emotional, not physical, is the reason my walls go up.