[celtic.starlite]

Hi Everyone!!

I am sorry that I disappeared for so long. I had to step away from the group for a while to take care of me. Those of you who know me/remember me, probably know that is a huge deal for me to say I was taking care of me. So much has happened since I disappeared on all of you. I went back to school and I have found an awesome church that has a bunch of different support groups – including groups for alcoholics and drug addicts, abuse survivors, co-dependency, eating disorders, and even SI! It is amazing! (and the best part they are all FREE or less than $30.00!)

I am still in therapy. I have been with my current T since September. Those of you who remember me may remember how upset and scared I was when my old T told me she was leaving. My current T knows me. Sometimes she knows things about me that I don’t even know. She was able to describe what I was feeling one day when I couldn’t put it into words. My old T took away all my diagnoses except for PTSD, because she claimed I had everything else because of the PTSD and they all fit under it anyways. My current T has added a BPD diagnosis. She was surprised at my reaction when she told me about the BPD diagnosis, because I was extremely relieved when she told me. I felt like everything made sense now … really it doesn’t, but it does! Haha! Confused yet?

Possible trigger:

After being “sober” for 2.5 years, I relapsed with my SI a year ago. When that happened I picked up where I left off and it quickly got worse. I hurt myself more and worse than I ever had before. I tried to stop again in September. 90 days after the day I stopped, it was Thanksgiving Day. I went to my dad’s side of the family’s Thanksgiving dinner. My dad has never done anything when we’ve been around the family, well, there’s a first time for everything. My dad came in the bedroom that I was working on my homework in, he closed the door and stood between me and the door, then he started to go off on me. He was mad at me for something so small, and it was a major trigger for me. 91 days after I stopped the SI, it was the day after thanksgiving, I gave in to the urges. I gave in every day between Thanksgiving and December 1st. I did not feel guilty about doing it either. On December 1st, something came over me and I knew I needed to stop. So I told one of my good friends (met her in one of the church groups) that I was stopping. She is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict so she knows all about addictions. She asked me how I was going to make sure it was the last time, and that I wasn’t just saying “this is the last time” again…. I told her I didn’t know that, but that I want it to be and I am going to work my hardest at making it be my last time. She has been a great accountability partner along with several other friends.

I am happy to tell you all that I have been in recovery from SI since December 1st – four long months. I have had many times where I have wanted to give in and I have reached out to my support system.

I have been wanting to come back here for some time now, but I haven’t wanted to disappoint all of you. I do not have internet, so I can only come on the forums when I’m somewhere with internet. I also have a ton of homework. I do not know how often I will be able to be in the forums. My other issue is that I have been triggering very easily, so I do not know how much I will be able to handle right now or how good of a support I will be for anybody. I am going to try being here again, but I just want you all to know that I may not be on the forum often.

I have missed all of you!

Celtic

[Bill3]

Welcome back!

(((((Celtic)))))

[celtic.starlite]

Welcome back!

(((((Celtic)))))

Thanks!

[SeekerOfLife]

Welcome back Celtic! I remember the great thread you started about "taking your power back".

you're amazing Celtic, you are so strong. welcome back

[celtic.starlite]

Originally Posted by SeekerOfLife

Welcome back Celtic! I remember the great thread you started about "taking your power back".

Thanks! WOW! You have a good memory! I had completely forgotten about that thread.

Celtic

[celtic.starlite]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

you're amazing Celtic, you are so strong. welcome back

Thank you! What makes you say I am amazing and strong? If you don't mind me asking?

[Frankbtl]

Hi Celtic, really good to hear from you, and how well things have gone for you!!!
And the day/s after Thanksgiving.........well I completely get how Thanksgiving........must have been a huge trigger for you. Just SO WELL DONE on pulling things back together!!!

And less modesty!!!!! This thread (as well as past ones, even when you were struggling!!) clearly shows that you're amazing and so strong!!! Well it does to me!!!

And if you start finding things on here triggering.........as ever got to put yourself first, and if you need a break.........just know you'll still be in our thoughts, we're still going to be wishing the best for you, and we'll still be here for you if you need support any time.



Alison

[celtic.starlite]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Celtic, really good to hear from you, and how well things have gone for you!!!
And the day/s after Thanksgiving.........well I completely get how Thanksgiving........must have been a huge trigger for you. Just SO WELL DONE on pulling things back together!!!

And less modesty!!!!! This thread (as well as past ones, even when you were struggling!!) clearly shows that you're amazing and so strong!!! Well it does to me!!!

And if you start finding things on here triggering.........as ever got to put yourself first, and if you need a break.........just know you'll still be in our thoughts, we're still going to be wishing the best for you, and we'll still be here for you if you need support any time.



Alison

Hi Alison,

I have missed you!! You always put me in my place..... never let me get away with anything... such as asking about the amazing and strong comment.

Thank you!

Celtic