[lucami]

emotionally abusive parents strikes again. can't handle this anymore.

[Bluegrey]

(((lucami)))

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling, lucami. We are here for you, we care about you. There are many people here on PC who really understand the way you are feeling right now, who have faced similar situations.

It sounds as if you are in the middle of things. That's always a scary place to be. Can you try and breathe slowly? Is there someone you can call to be with you?

If you can, maybe you could explain a bit about what has happened. It can sometimes help to let things out.

((((Caring and supportive hugs))))
Bluegrey

[lucami]

thanks Bluegray.. I had panic attack. opened balcony to breathe some fresh air. and this was a reason for yelling at me more than hour.. parents called me a psycho and lair and that they will close me in mental hospital tomorrow... can't stop crying, can't stop being scared.
I hate my life. I used to have friends, now only one. It's almost midnight here so she's probably sleeping already, I don't want to bother her so late.. She has own life so we're not that close as we used to be anyway..
I see no reason in living, such a pointless life.. had dreams, but never nothing worked out.. I never accomplished anything.. and when I started to have panic attacks and all of this $hit and became homebounded it's just a hell... before I could escape from this ****ed up family to pubs, parties.. Now I can't and I only feel more worthless. I don't even want to live.

[Bluegrey]

Thank you, lucami, for explaining your situation a little. I'm so sorry things are so hard. I know what it's like to be stuck in the house all the time, though in my case it's been mostly because of a long term health condition and it sounds as if your panic attacks keep you inside.

Are your parents supportive some of the time? It's terrible having to cope with them being so negative and threatening you and I can understand why you feel so despairing. I'm glad you have a friend, even though you aren't as close as you used to be. Maybe you can have a chat with her and get some support that way?

I have felt like you do, worthless and not sure I want to carry on trying. It is so hard to keep going when everything around is falling apart, and none of your plans work out. I really would encourage you to see your doctor and get some help - doctors do want to make things more bearable and there is no shame in needing help sometimes. Is there a telephone helpline you can call? Here in the UK we have the Samaritans, and the NHS also has helplines for people who are in such need. I should think there may be something similar in your country. It is very important to make sure that you are safe.

The thing to keep in mind, I think, is that although you are feeling so very despondent now, things can change for the better. Please hang on and don't give up. Will you let us know how things are going tomorrow?


Bluegrey

[lucami]

yup panic and anxiety keeps me inside flat and sometimes I feel going crazy.. well at the moment for example :c
no, my parents aren't supportive at all.. they only support from them is picking me up to gp doc... my friend tries to help me somehow, text me everyday how I feel and comes here when she can.. but when she says that she has no idea how to help me and don't get panic attacks and all I still feel kind of alone with this :c
I'm trying to keep calm and going too, but there's always something.. when I feel bit better mentally like yesterday, I started to have physical problem, with breathing.. couldn't catch my breath and my lungs were hurting a lot for 2-3h.. today I tried to enjoy good weather, but my dog got sick and I was so worried about him.. and now my creepy feelings like something would push me to take a knife and kill everyone at home.. I have a pdoc, which says he can give me meds (it didn't work for me, only make my life a bigger horror and I'm afraid of meds now) and says that I have to look for T on my own :c there's one helpline working 24h from what I heard, but I'm scared of calling there..
trying to not give up like you said, trying to ignore cary images in my head right now, I 'see' in my imagination, in my mind something like kind of movie in which I'm killing everyone but I know I don't want this.. sigh. thanks for being there Bluegray

[NurseCollie]

Originally Posted by lucami

and now my creepy feelings like something would push me to take a knife and kill everyone at home..

Originally Posted by lucami

trying to not give up like you said, trying to ignore cary images in my head right now, I 'see' in my imagination, in my mind something like kind of movie in which I'm killing everyone but I know I don't want this.. sigh.

Do you constantly have thoughts of hurting others? Have you been diagnosed with OCD? If so, these thoughts could be a symptom of OCD and you should talk with your T. Even if you don't have OCD, these thoughts aren't healthy. Do you have a T? Trying not to have you reveal where in Europe you are, but can you call any outreach in your area? I know it is hard but you need to call that helpline. You need to make the first step in getting out of your situation at home. There are people who cares and want to help but you have to find them. The helpline may be that step you need.

[lucami]

yup I have OCD, and docs and my friends says I'm kinda obsessed with having control, I'm freaking way too much about loosing control and probably this makes me doubt myself if I could really do it or not. this thoughts are not constant, well I had before about month of feeling like something is pushing me to jump over the balcony, I was so scared of it and had feelings like that everyday for about month, my heart was racing because of that, I was sweating a lot etc, but when I finally told myself 'oh whatever I have feelings and thoughts like this, but I don't care anymore' and it disappeared. sometimes comes back again and goes again. when I told my pdoc about this he just check my hands and forearms if I didn't cut myself, and that was all. today I was at gp and talked with her about this feelings and thoughts from yesterday and she didn't care much about this too, said it's because of wind, lots of strong wind here lately and it makes people more nervous', plus she knows I have ****ed up family so she was not surprised, like I often hear, 'if I would have father like you have, I would have thoughts about killing everyone too'. It's not a secret, I'm from Poland, but since many people abroad don't even know where it is i feel like I'd live in middle of nowhere >.>
anyway currently I don't have a T, but looking for one.
I didn't call this helpline yet, but finally got referrals to check my spine, heart, adrenals, thyroid, and this make me feel mentally bit better because I want to know what is going on with my body first. for all of this years I had no idea for example that thyroid may cause panic attacks too, I was given ssri without checking physical stuff first and this damn meds made only a bigger hell out of my life, and now I don't trust meds at all :s even taking iron for anemia makes me very anxious every time :/