[Cthomas]

My brother was my primary abuser when I was young. I have had those memories stuffed in the back of my head. Self medicating for years. I found out last week that my brother died, and its bringing up all these memories and nightmares that I cant stop. I just joined a support abuse group at my church. Hoping that may help. Havent had a good nights sleep for a week.

Thanks for listening
Colleen

[pegasus]

Hugs! This is a natural reaction. Emotions and feelings can be very confusing when an abuser dies especially when they were a family member. Feelings of guilt, relief, it's all ok, be gentle with you.

[Kiya]

Lots of hugs and support to you (and light in the dark hours). Really glad you joined a support group.

[cluelessgal]

Sorry that you were abused by your brother. Sorry for your loss.

It's a difficult time for you. Take your time. Write about it. Kudos for joining a support group.

But it would be a good idea to see a therapist as well, if you are not seeing one already. Death of your abuser can be a confusing time.

My father abused me and on hearing about his death, the first thought that came to my mind was "Good...he won't molest anyone anymore". I felt being pulled on 2 extremes of love and loathe.

Some time after that, I fell into depression, because I felt like a bad daughter who had no option to redeem the relationship (I wished for his death).

You are having trouble sleeping. Maybe it's a good idea to talk to your/a therapist, till you feel comfortable.

You'll find loads of support in this forum too. All my love.

[msmuffit]

Now that was a mighty brave thing to admit to. Wow.

[skeksi]

I am sure this is confusing and painful. It's good you found a group to help give you some support. I am sorry you are in pain.