night terrors

Can somebody tell me why the "stuff" of the day only hits me as soon as I turn out the lights and try to sleep?

This could go numerous places, but I'm putting it here for a reason.

This morning I was massively late for work because I had a terrible time waking myself up out of a dream, and when I did manage to, I was very groggy, still not quite sure where I was or what was going on, and really freaked out. I don't remember many details, mostly just that in the dream, my mother was being horribly violent and cruel to me. (She was not physically abusive IRL, but emotionally so, in spades.) I have these sorts of dreams now and then and I don't really know what my mind is trying to clean out.

I work in a 2-person office and the other person is a jerk. We have less than nothing in common and for the most part, I try not to engage him in anything but superficial conversation about sports and movies and such.

Last week I got this nasty anonymous email pointing out what were perceived to be my myriad faults. Based on the content, it could have come from a number of people, but I finally narrowed it down to him. Today I got another one, that was even MORE specific and mean, and now I know beyond doubt they're from him.

So what am I doing about it? Not a thing. This time, I wasn't even angry, just disgusted at his immaturity. I didn't think it had bothered me very much, but here it is 11 pm, the alarm goes off at 5, and I can't sleep because here I go letting people abuse me again. To me, that's what this is -- creating a hostile work environment is a type of abuse when you don't have anyone else to direct things toward, imo.

I am hating myself pretty much right now for being such a weenie and not standing up for myself, and wondering when or if I will ever overcome these patterns. I did finally learn to stand up to my mother, but only sometimes, and with limited effect, and it took almost 10 years of therapy. This guy isn't worth 10 minutes, but I'm still annoyed with myself. I haven't mentioned it to my boss or to anyone else in the main office who knows the guy a lot better than I do, just swallowed it like I always do -- and I bet he's not having any trouble sleeping tonight!! Yet here I am, afraid to go to bed and totally unable to keep berating myself for being a weenie.

Anybody got any good ideas, I'm taking them..... solutions, too.

Candy

(((((((((candybear))))))))).. so sorry. Im in a wierd place right now , but i wanted you to know you are in my thoughts.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}}}

Wish I were more help to you......thinking of you