I have really good reason to believe I am being hurt at home during my sleep

I try to avoid sleeping at night because of this, I have stopped taking all medications and I drink caffeine before bed to help me stay awake

I fell asleep last night before the sun could come up , and I don't know what time that was and I woke up after the sun had already rose and I can't help but feel panicky and disappointed in myself that I could not keep myself protected at night

I want to talk about it, talking helps me, but i can't figure out how to explain what is going on, I can't figure out how to express my feelings and tell people (online or off) that this is how I am feeling and this is why I know I am being hurt at night

recently I was treated for an STD which automatically proves to me that something is happening in my sleep

I want to talk about it, I want people to hear me becuaase I have been quiet about this for so long that I'm going to explode if I don't share, but no one listens to me and no one seems interested in me or seems to care what I need to talk about

[CopperStar]

Are you able to afford some sort of video-recording device, or at least audio (but video would be best) that you can set up in your room, hidden, to run for the night? Something cheaper but that'll work like from Walmart or something? Or can you get your hands on a recording device some other way, that can roll throughout the night?

Second-guessing will shred your sanity quickly, and so will lack of sleep. IMO it's time to get evidence, not only for your own sanity but also that can be taken to the police as evidence to press charges.

It is good to talk about it, but you also need to DO something about it. You must stand up for yourself, get hard evidence and fight for justice. It is very rare for an abuser to only ever have one victim, there are usually several throughout an abuser's life. Not only do you need to protect yourself, but you must stop whoever is doing this, for the sake of other victims and would-be victims, as well.

If you do not suffer with a paranoia disorder, then chances are your gut feelings are right. That is what gut feelings are for in life. But you must get hard evidence to guarantee your victory against the perpetrator(s).

Thanks,Copper

I don't want to press charges , to be honest I thnk I know who my abuser is, but I don't want them to get in trouble, it would ruin my family and create more problems than it would solve

I just want to be able to talk about what is going on I want to share my feelings with someone and have them listen to me for once instead of me trying to explain and getting ignored because i don't make any snese

I know my gut feeling is right because oterwise i I would not have a STD

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by Kori Anders

Thanks,Copper

I don't want to press charges , to be honest I thnk I know who my abuser is, but I don't want them to get in trouble, it would ruin my family and create more problems than it would solve

I just want to be able to talk about what is going on I want to share my feelings with someone and have them listen to me for once instead of me trying to explain and getting ignored because i don't make any snese

I know my gut feeling is right because oterwise i I would not have a STD

Well, on one hand I know that it is important to respect your feelings and you decisions. But on the other hand, I must admit that my honest opinion is that you really do need to stand up for yourself and get justice. Maybe just please keep the idea in the back of your mind in case you ever feel ready. Remember that you are a person, too, just like anyone else, and enabling abuse against yourself is a crime against yourself. You count, too.

[JosephR]

There already is trouble in your family, And I have been there. Well maybe not your exact place. Family trouble gets out there sometimes

But you need to ask a few questions, And these are between you and your pain.

1- Do I want to sacrifice own health and life for my attackers comfort?

2- Is there a reason why I should carry all the burden and pay for all of the damages of abuse, Because my family don't want to deal with it.

3- Write the answers down. Do they make sense when you are not in that situation?

At the very least set up a vid recorder. Find the evidence one way or another. And at the very least, Give it to an interested 3rd party who will give it to the authorities if something happens.

[Pinem'e]

How horrifying that you are abused in your sleep.
Move to a safe and secure environment immediately!

Get out of that place NOW!

[gruvingal]

You say you don't want to get your abuser in trouble. How many more times do you want this to happen? Are there others they are abusing? If you don't stop the cycle it will continue until someone does. How are you going to feel if they abuse one of your siblings or one of your friends. People who do these things are sick and will do whatever it takes to continue the abuse. They use scare tactics and shame to keep you quiet. Believe me, I was abused by my Grandfather and it has taken me years to finally deal with it after going through sexual addiction most of my life. I am 54 and did not start to heal until I was 40. I so wish I would have been able to deal with it when I was younger. Then I would have been able to have a somewhat normal life. How old are you? You need to tell someone not in the family. Maybe a school counselor. I would rather see you taken out of the house than to continue being abused.