How do you feel about your appearance?

Just wondering this...

Sometimes I resent it if people find me attractive. I purposely make myself less attractive and I get pissed off if someone compliments me... Or I use it to attract people I later realize I have no interest in...

Then sometimes I think I look like **** and suddenly I want to be attractive again... I didn't age at all through most of my adult like then suddenly aged 10 years in a year (or so it feels like...) But why do I care? Do I care?

I also loathe summer clothing...

I know how you feel! It is still something I struggle with at times. I spent a lot of time trying to not stand out - it was safer that way. Recently I decided that I want to get back in shape and attractive but still struggle at times to not self-sabotage, especially when complimented etc.

I think it is likely a protective thing... I don't know the answer but you are definitely not alone.

Well and I have used my appearance to manipulate people... I am not proud of that... So I get scared that one day I won't be able to do that... I feel super ugly today... But most of the time I just want to be ugly... I want to be able to turn it on and off.

Unfortunately... I want to turn it off when there is a possibility of something actually genuine and not all ****ed up...

Sometimes I feel beautiful and other times a can't look myself in the mirror. I hate ANY comments on my appearance, good or bad. Recently I modeled for a figure drawing class. I was shocked at how people felt they had the right to pick out every flaw I can find in the mirror to my face, as I'm standing in front of them, unable to move. I guess they thought I was happy enough with my appwarance that it wouldn't bother me so that could be a good thing. They commented on all my nice bits as well though, things I notice about myself. I didn't feel bad afterwards although I was pretty disgusted at the women there, who were the ones making the comments. It really gives you a thick skin and confidence though. I'd recommend it if you think you can put up with it. I know my appearance doesn't change much, but when I'm down I definitely focus on the bad bits.

I really don't give a damn about my appearance. I try to be clean and smell alright, brush my hair, etc. But other than that, I don't think about it much. I'm sort of primal philosophically and tend to perceive myself as an animal, albeit a more intellectually advanced one than say, a beaver. I don't shave my legs, I don't wear makeup unless it's a tribal-looking artistic sort of thing, I have tribal ink and let my hair go wild. I try to eat a diet that is mostly meat and produce. I'm very into nature and nature-based spirituality. Just in general the vanities of my culture don't mean much to me, so I don't really give a ****.

I usually want to look attractive but cannot stand if anyone so much as looks at me. I like to have neat hair, natural makeup etc so I don't stand out for the wrong reasons but I cover every inch of my skin with clothes. I don't own any summer clothes, I cover up all year round! I dread haircuts and new clothes because any change in appearance draws attention to me.
I hate it when I realise I'm supposed to be in my prime right now, and if I can't be confident now, how am I going to feel in the years to come!

I was very good looking as a kid, hated all the praise, so purposely tried to make myself look uglier. I wanted to be 'normal' because I felt alienated. I really let myself go, and now I'm below what you'd consider 'normal', I don't look ugly, I just look old for my age, and I hate it. So I've had issues my appearance all my life.

Some of My friends and relatives cannot believe that I am the same person. They also treat me so very differently now, even though I'm the same person deep inside. I realized how shallow people can be.

Now I'd much rather be praised than ridiculed to be honest. I wish I could go back and embrace it rather than hide it. In my case, it was not knowing what I had till I lost it.

That is often how I feel--like will I look back and think... actually, I already look back to younger years and feel sad that I was too scared to just enjoy being attractive...

I think our culture focuses too much on image and I hate that I have taken some of that in. And... there is something much darker and more disturbing in my fear of being attractive...

When I started this thread I probably should have stated that I was curious in terms of recovering from sexual abuse... I mean, lots of people have issues with appearance. But the fear of being attractive, I would imagine, would be unique to us...

I actually really started thinking about this after watching a documentary on a teenage girl who killed a john and when they were interviewing her she stated that she was trying to be ugly because nothing bad would have happened... Probably not true, but I understood it.

I tried to go on an actual date recently, for the first time in years, and when he told me afterwards that he thought I was cute I got pissed off and scared...

I go completely rigid when I get hit on. I play possum just like I did during the abuse. My sister once told me that she was sad for me because I would always wear baggy clothes that would hide my figure. And it always seems like the more a guy compliments me or tries to touch me, the more disgusting I think he is, even if he's really nice, sweet, and attractive.

I also have days when I think I'm pretty and days when i think I'm hideous. The latter mostly happens when I'm depressed. I looked like I'd aged a lot in the last year from not taking care of myself but it's getting better. I'm working on my skin by exfoliating, using creams, etc. and it has helped my self-image a lot.

I don't like how I look now. Most of my life I've been fluffy. In the last few years my BMI dropped to underweight. (Am now at a healthy BMI.)To me I look like that 12 year old who was kidnapped.
I am especially motivated to build upper body strength so I have a chance at fighting back.