Writing it down

I've been dealing with a lot of flashbacks and dreams of the abuse and it's been really hard to discuss with anyone even my T. She says I need to deal with what happened and if I am having trouble verbalizing to try writing things down.

I began to do this and it's flowing out of me, as I just set a timer and free write. At times I feel really empowered that I am at least getting it out and other times the tears are flowing down my cheeks as I write.

I realized something yesterday. At times I write in the 3rd person when writing about the abuse as if I was just an observer who could report what happened. During the actual abuse I often let my mind go to other places, safe places so that I wouldn't be so scared. Maybe that is why some of it comes out in the 3rd person.

I'm just curious 1) has anyone else written about their abuse and 2) did it ever come out like an outter body experience watching it happen as if to someone else?

Thank you.

People might do all sorts of small but powerful things to create distance. I have not referred to my biological father as "dad" or "my father" during in person conversations in several years. I refer to him by his first name and tend to speak of him as some nefarious creature we had the misfortune of encountering when we were kids. It doesn't change reality, but it expresses something that is important to me whenever he gets brought up in therapy, by relatives, etc.

Writing is such a great release to get things out. I wrote and wrote and wrote until my hand was sore...this was all a few years back, not sure how many? I don't have the experience of writing in 3rd person...Cat

I have done both. When I journal in the first person it tends to be when I am spewing all of my emotions on the page. I get annoyed with myself because I will switch to 3rd person when I am writing about the actual events that took place. I haven't yet written about the details of my abuse. It's mostly centered on the aftermath-telling my family, the trial, etc. After reading your post I now realize it's because I dissociated so much that it's like I wasn't there-hence the 3rd person.

I was told in my last hospitalization to look for groups that do DBT and to prepare myself for talking about the abuse in detail. Apparently you have to confront it in order to process it and keep it from occupying so much space in your mind.

. I write in 3d person also. My kids protected me until future me was ready. Working on this with therapist.

Another thing that I've noticed is that when I sit down to begin writing (I set a timer for 45 minutes) the memories come flooding back and I can easily fill twenty pages. I no longer cry while writing and it makes me feel good to get it out sort of like purging but when I tried to read what I've written the other day I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. SO I can write and let it flow out of me but for now reading it is out of the question. This happen with anyone else?

Whilst I was in hospital I wouldn't talk to anyone; writing was the only form of communication I felt comfortable enough using. I spoke to people when I had to but mainly it was writing. I didn't use third person but there was sometimes I'd write in past tense although it was over and I was better. Does that sound weird!? I think it was so when I re-read what I had written it didn't alarm me and remind myself where i was and why.

Well done BlueEyedMama sounds like writing has given you that feeling of release you've been needing for a long time. It's amazing how much we put on our selves without realising sometimes. I'm so glad writing is working for you.

I am the same; I can't now read what I have written in that dark time it just takes me back and it's not a place I want to visit ever ever again.

Maybe ask someone you are close to to read it? Or I've written letters to people before from my past then actually gone outside and (responsibly) burnt them. It may sound silly but it actually felt really powerful. It's that emotional release. At the end of the day we each do what works for us and as long as it works and it is not harmful to you or others around you, then don't knock it.

*High 5* xxx

I've written about my abuse too and have found it a healing thing to do. I've never written about it in the third person, but there are "raw" journal entries that I haven't yet read over. I feel like when I'm ready to deal with them, I'll be able to read them.

I love the idea of writing letters to people who've hurt you and burning them. There's also a website called "Letters I'll Never Send" where you can submit anonymous letters. They have an abuse category. So that's kind of like a cyber-burning of letters....

Blueeye,

I did and that way the therapist can read it and ask questions if she need to. I have the abuse on my computer. I was physical, mentally, emotionally, and verbal as well as being bully. I journal once in while. That help get all that feeling out and for me I feel better

I journal lots and lots. Whole notebooks. I write the year on the fronts. The hell lives with in me and it helps to write and to get it out. I can put it in a notebook and it can live there and not inside of me any more.

I show the T everything I write. Which is usually at least every other day. I can't say the words of what happened to me. I can'teven read them once they are written, but I can write them. The T knows what happened to me becasue she can read it.

Technical terms like 1st person and 3rd person are things I have forgotten since high school. But when I write it starts out like I am telling a story, bu the time I am in the middle of it, It somehow changes to the event happening then and there. I cry some times when I write. I just write pages and pages and it just flows and flows. I had no idea that much stuff was so pint up inside of me. But once I start writing it all just seems to flow out.

So know that you are not alone, and writing is helpful. Whatever works for you as a way to tell your story then that is what you need to do. I did put my story here and that was very helpful. Someone at another site put it to me like this " for each person that reads your story it is that much less you have to carry inside of you. You have given that part away adn the burden is so much lighter" They were right . If you say it once and 20 read it and comment on it, and 80 more simply read it then that is so much of it to be given away and no longer be left to hurt you inside. This site has the little thing that tells how many people have looked at your thread. It is quite helpful to see.

Good luck with the things you are dealing with, keep writing, and keep sharing with your T and with us. We are here to support you to.

You are very brave. I never have and never will write it down. And back when my t used to take notes sometimes, i would never let her write down names or details. Too scary to have on paper.

Starry Night - I can understand how you feel even though I do not feel that way. It is bad enough that these things have happened to us and having someone else know is embarrassing and painful. I can understand your concern. Good luck sorting threw your past. Hopefully one day things will be easier.

I put everything down but I hate writing so I type it and save it to my cloud.
I have typed the assault I endured from my abuser, and when I re read it, I feel myself starting to have an anxiety attack. Most of my life I have been abused. My father and 2 of his friends and a doctor.
I want to tell my T but (and I posted about this) do you even go into details or is that not a good idea. I need to stop having panic attacks. I told my new friend about the assault but not details. My new friend is a deputy, he wants to go kick doctor butt.
I only ever told on my father.
I didn't report doctor because he told me if I did he would make me unrecognizable. He loves knifes. I didn't want to take that chance. The assault is a fairly fresh and it's making it difficult for me. Especially having a new friend.

lemonpledge, if you we able to write aobut this event of the series of events then you have accomplished the hard part. Absolutely tell your Therapist.

Healing does come threw writing though. I could only heal from my abuse threw writing. The words spoken were just to real. Let me tell you what worked for me.
My T specializes in trauma's. I did a lot of work threw writing on some traumatic events. I first wrote what happened, and it did indeed cause me to have panic attacks and flashbacks. The next part is what is important though. My T had me write what I feel like this person did to me, what they stole from me, and the impact they had on my life. (this was never to be shown to the individual in real life) I even had the option to destroy what I wrote or save it.

Then my T had me write what I would do if there were no laws and no rules, and no one would look badly upon what I choose to do to the person who hurt me. So I wrote a story about what I would have done to my rapist if I could. It was solely a make believe story. But in doing this I was able to change the role of victim to at the very least, victor. After writing that story, I wrote how that made me feel. I actually felt guilty for writing the things I did, but I also felt relieved to have taken control of the situation. After that I wrote a make believe letter to my abuser. I told my abuser what I had become, nothing but the positives. ex. you think you stole my ability to love, you are wrong because I have a husband and 3 kids.

In the last thing I wrote regarding this matter, I wrote what power I was taking back from my abuser. ex. you may not haunt my dreams any longer, you may not invade my mind during sex. After taking a week or so to write each of these pages, the flashbacks and panic attacks started to go away.

I did this for each traumatic event I experienced. Now for the most part, this issue has been dealt with and doesn't rear it's ugly head anymore.

I definitely think you should talk to your T about this. Proceed only with his/her help. This is a difficult and painful thing to do but with hte right help and with a patient T you can get threw it.

Best of luck to you. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or just need to talk to someone. I'd be happy to help in any way I can.

Big Mama, I see what you are saying. Never thought of that. You have some good ideas, advice etc... It's early in the am and I might try to sleep and might take you up on the pm offer later, I do have a question or 2 or 3 😊

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I'm writing in my journal about how I feel, abuse, and other things. I feel great getting it off my chest. I show the journal to my T. She like what I write. It's a great feeling to write it out and get it off your chest.

loveyouhun I couldn't agree more. Writing is a huge help. Keep up the good work.

Writing AND talking is the key to begin to heal. I think it helps to write a letter of restorative justice to the abuser...that means, this is what you did this is how it made me feel. The letter is for YOU, I believe it takes back your power.

exactly nicholeflynn - It is about taking back the power. If we can take back the power then we have won. We have no longer allowed another to have power over us.

Yes to questions one and two. And your reason is correct about being somewhere else in your mind during....

I once read a medical journal research article that tested the effects of talk therapy and individuals who wrote. The results for both groups showed they were equally effective.

I began writing while I was about 14 and still suffering the abuse. I don't know why I did, but glad I did. I'd use spiral notebooks and burn them. I found therapy in the writing, not in re-reading (which I only found painful, not helpful). I did go to a therapist when I was 29 (I'm 57 now) for six visits. She encouraged the writing. My GP wrote my SSRI prescriptions (still does).

I have not felt the need for some time now to write. Life is good. I hope my lengthy experience gives you some insight on the possible results and/or benefits of writing.

Best wishes my dear.

Hello Blueyedmama
I have not been able to verbalize what happened and found recently that I was able to write it down and give it to a dear friend. I think for me I felt safer writing it down because I didn't have to look anyone in the eye and see what I will interpret as judgmental, disgust and rejection. I write in first person, but I think it is a normal reaction to be looking down on this as if you are watching this, an OBE. Don't be hard on yourself. Be good and gentle with yourself and go with it. If you need to cry then cry. If you have an anxiety attack take a break and talk yourself down and don't go back to it for a while. I am giving you a tight, tight hug. And remember this "everything is going to be okay."