[rae.lynn88]

I was physically and emotionally abused by my father from the time I was born until a couple years ago when I cut him out of my life.
I'm 18 years old and I just graduated high school and I have such a difficult time remember things before 8th grade (basically 14 years old).
I hate that he took away my childhood and my memories.
I hate that I hate being touched now.
I hate how I feel.
And my mom has always denied the physical abuse but I do remember telling her everything that happen when it happen and her saying that since she didn't witness it she can't help me. I remember telling her what he did and asking to go to the cops and she said it wasn't severe enough.
I'm so angry with her.
I'm so angry with myself too for just realizing how messed up this is.
When they were together they literally out each other in the hospital but she gets mad at me for saying I hate him because she "worked so hard to keep him in my life" because "having an abusive dad is better than none".

She could have stopped it. She didn't though.
I blame her as much as I blame him.

I'm sorry.

[ensconce]

Its okay, I understand. I also can't remember much anything before about the age of 13. Venting is healthy.

[bipolar angel]

I'm soo sorry that you both went through that. I'm a mom-can't go I into details-but my child was abused-not by me. I'm sorry to say this-you dontt need to witness it to believe you child! My child came to me about something that happened 10yrs ago-I believed her! Went to police to report it, perpertraitor now in prison! So, I'm saying sorry to you for parent that did not stand up, believe you and protect you! I hope you can find a great therapist-who really listens, if you don't already have one. Sending support to both of you.

[loveyouhun]

rae.lynn,

I hear you too. I was bullied when I was in elementary school. I was mentally, emotionally, and verbal abuse by my Mom (still am). I was sexually assault too. I know where you are coming from. At least my Mom and I was 3.500 miles away. I hate that she put me down in front of my family and her friends. I hate her for doing this to me. I love her and she dying (lung cancer). I sometime get so damn mad at her and I hate her. All I can do is pray for her.


loveyouhun

[Ruminati]

Originally Posted by rae.lynn88

I was physically and emotionally abused by my father from the time I was born until a couple years ago when I cut him out of my life.
I'm 18 years old and I just graduated high school and I have such a difficult time remember things before 8th grade (basically 14 years old).
I hate that he took away my childhood and my memories.
I hate that I hate being touched now.
I hate how I feel.
And my mom has always denied the physical abuse but I do remember telling her everything that happen when it happen and her saying that since she didn't witness it she can't help me. I remember telling her what he did and asking to go to the cops and she said it wasn't severe enough.
I'm so angry with her.
I'm so angry with myself too for just realizing how messed up this is.
When they were together they literally out each other in the hospital but she gets mad at me for saying I hate him because she "worked so hard to keep him in my life" because "having an abusive dad is better than none".

She could have stopped it. She didn't though.
I blame her as much as I blame him.

I'm sorry.

Darling, the not being able to touch or have a cuddle says to me you've lost trust and that is not surprising. I can empathise, I have v similar things in my past.

You must feel robbed of your peace of mind and furious I imagine. But that anger held onto is a weed of bitterness. Let it go I'd my advice otherwise your still allowing him to hurt you.

Time Is a great healer.. And over time you'll heal. Go to family dinners etc. Face him with poise. Determine not to react go any trigger he may pull on you. Each word of abuse just smile and send back imaginary blessings like s flower. In this way you are stopping an ugly cycle,not fighting fire with fire.

Sorry bit of a rushed post but please pm me if you want to talk. My story is not unlike yours..❤️

[rae.lynn88]

Thank you so much for replying everyone, it means a lot to me.
Your kind words have helped me feel better!

[sliver101]

Originally Posted by rae.lynn88

I was physically and emotionally abused by my father from the time I was born until a couple years ago when I cut him out of my life.
I'm 18 years old and I just graduated high school and I have such a difficult time remember things before 8th grade (basically 14 years old).
I hate that he took away my childhood and my memories.
I hate that I hate being touched now.
I hate how I feel.
And my mom has always denied the physical abuse but I do remember telling her everything that happen when it happen and her saying that since she didn't witness it she can't help me. I remember telling her what he did and asking to go to the cops and she said it wasn't severe enough.
I'm so angry with her.
I'm so angry with myself too for just realizing how messed up this is.
When they were together they literally out each other in the hospital but she gets mad at me for saying I hate him because she "worked so hard to keep him in my life" because "having an abusive dad is better than none".

She could have stopped it. She didn't though.
I blame her as much as I blame him.

I'm sorry.

Yes, she is also to blame!
I was in your situation and wish I had cut all contact with both of them, and I didn't until he was about 85. The damage just gets deeper, speaking from my experience, if you maintain a relationship with an abuser and a denier. I "fought back" as best I could, which made the physical violence even worse, but it was better than just taking it. My mom seemed to get off on that. She was right in the room. She hated my dad, and would always berate him behind his back. I think she actually set me up to do battle with him because she wouldn't, and he was much happier treating me like dirt than dealing with their hatred for each other. Some people have no business being parents (or getting married, actually). When I finally cut off all contact with my dad, my mom said I was being cruel, that he was just an old man and to forget all that stuff. She still didn't get it.
I admire you taking action so early in life! Being angry with both of your parents seems like a great step in the right direction... it's not in any way your fault, you were a little kid. I don't see any point in contact with either parent.
The good thing that came into my life was that I developed tremendous love and compassion for animals... I could relate to their vulnerability and I could make their lives better. To this day, that's what keeps me going. I hope you have or find some outlet for your emotions that develops your tender, nurturing side.

[rae.lynn88]

Originally Posted by sliver101

Yes, she is also to blame!
I was in your situation and wish I had cut all contact with both of them, and I didn't until he was about 85. The damage just gets deeper, speaking from my experience, if you maintain a relationship with an abuser and a denier. I "fought back" as best I could, which made the physical violence even worse, but it was better than just taking it. My mom seemed to get off on that. She was right in the room. She hated my dad, and would always berate him behind his back. I think she actually set me up to do battle with him because she wouldn't, and he was much happier treating me like dirt than dealing with their hatred for each other. Some people have no business being parents (or getting married, actually). When I finally cut off all contact with my dad, my mom said I was being cruel, that he was just an old man and to forget all that stuff. She still didn't get it.
I admire you taking action so early in life! Being angry with both of your parents seems like a great step in the right direction... it's not in any way your fault, you were a little kid. I don't see any point in contact with either parent.
The good thing that came into my life was that I developed tremendous love and compassion for animals... I could relate to their vulnerability and I could make their lives better. To this day, that's what keeps me going. I hope you have or find some outlet for your emotions that develops your tender, nurturing side.

This helped a lot, thanks. I sympathize with you. My parents were divorced, though, ever since I was a baby. They always talked bad about each other to me and my sister and tried to get us to choose even though my mom forced me to go over there.
I'm 18 now. I still live with my mom though since I'm trying to get on my feet. But she's still in denial and is neglectful in some ways.
I also love animals. I had a job at a pet shop but quit because I couldn't emotionally deal with the deaths of some animals. I will always protect them and treat them well.
I'm sorry you went through what you did. No one deserves any of this.

[loveyouhun]

sliver,
How do you cut someone out of your life? I want to do that with my Mom since she is very abusive at times. I can't take her sh@t anymore. I just wish she will stop doing this to me. Mentally, emotional, and verbal abuse me. What do I need to do?

loveyouhun
Yes, she is also to blame!
I was in your situation and wish I had cut all contact with both of them, and I didn't until he was about 85. The damage just gets deeper, speaking from my experience, if you maintain a relationship with an abuser and a denier. I "fought back" as best I could, which made the physical violence even worse, but it was better than just taking it. My mom seemed to get off on that. She was right in the room. She hated my dad, and would always berate him behind his back. I think she actually set me up to do battle with him because she wouldn't, and he was much happier treating me like dirt than dealing with their hatred for each other. Some people have no business being parents (or getting married, actually). When I finally cut off all contact with my dad, my mom said I was being cruel, that he was just an old man and to forget all that stuff. She still didn't get it.
I admire you taking action so early in life! Being angry with both of your parents seems like a great step in the right direction... it's not in any way your fault, you were a little kid. I don't see any point in contact with either parent.
The good thing that came into my life was that I developed tremendous love and compassion for animals... I could relate to their vulnerability and I could make their lives better. To this day, that's what keeps me going. I hope you have or find some outlet for your emotions that develops your tender, nurturing side.[/quote]

[loveyouhun]

sliver,
How do you cut someone out of your life? I want to do that with my Mom since she is very abusive at times. I can't take her sh@t anymore. I just wish she will stop doing this to me. Mentally, emotional, and verbal abuse me. What do I need to do? My Dad died in '07 was not so hard on me as my Mom was. I had several times when she want to slap me (had her hand in the air) I told her make my f ing day and I would call the cop. She first thought I was bluffing but now I think she realize I will do it. even her brother (my Uncle) said (he want to slap me) I told my Mom and I don't think she believe me. I told her if you or your stupid brother lay a hand on me you'll both be in jail. I don't take sh@t from anyone anymore.

loveyouhun
Yes, she is also to blame!
I was in your situation and wish I had cut all contact with both of them, and I didn't until he was about 85. The damage just gets deeper, speaking from my experience, if you maintain a relationship with an abuser and a denier. I "fought back" as best I could, which made the physical violence even worse, but it was better than just taking it. My mom seemed to get off on that. She was right in the room. She hated my dad, and would always berate him behind his back. I think she actually set me up to do battle with him because she wouldn't, and he was much happier treating me like dirt than dealing with their hatred for each other. Some people have no business being parents (or getting married, actually). When I finally cut off all contact with my dad, my mom said I was being cruel, that he was just an old man and to forget all that stuff. She still didn't get it.
I admire you taking action so early in life! Being angry with both of your parents seems like a great step in the right direction... it's not in any way your fault, you were a little kid. I don't see any point in contact with either parent.
The good thing that came into my life was that I developed tremendous love and compassion for animals... I could relate to their vulnerability and I could make their lives better. To this day, that's what keeps me going. I hope you have or find some outlet for your emotions that develops your tender, nurturing side.

[sliver101]

Originally Posted by rae.lynn88

This helped a lot, thanks. I sympathize with you. My parents were divorced, though, ever since I was a baby. They always talked bad about each other to me and my sister and tried to get us to choose even though my mom forced me to go over there.
I'm 18 now. I still live with my mom though since I'm trying to get on my feet. But she's still in denial and is neglectful in some ways.
I also love animals. I had a job at a pet shop but quit because I couldn't emotionally deal with the deaths of some animals. I will always protect them and treat them well.
I'm sorry you went through what you did. No one deserves any of this.

Rae.lynn, thank you for your beautiful reply. Yes, it is so hard to deal with the deaths involved in loving animals. I still cry sometimes over my dog who died 3 years ago. I no longer volunteer at the shelter because I became angry and sad about the fate of the animals to the extent I couldn't deal with the rest of my life. I did meet some wonderful people there who became good friends and still are. Since you're not financially independent yet, you can't really become a guardian of your own animal, but even just visiting the dog park might give you a lift... or maybe try for a job at a doggy daycare? Your story touches me... I see such potential for a fulfilling life because you already recognize at such a young age that these people are not a healthy exposure for you. I hope you are able to detach and distract yourself enough until you get on your feet and find a stable and nurturing living situation. I wish you baby steps every day to a better and better life filled with kind people...

[sliver101]

[quote=loveyouhun;4612485]sliver,
How do you cut someone out of your life? I want to do that with my Mom since she is very abusive at times. I can't take her sh@t anymore. I just wish she will stop doing this to me. Mentally, emotional, and verbal abuse me. What do I need to do? My Dad died in '07 was not so hard on me as my Mom was. I had several times when she want to slap me (had her hand in the air) I told her make my f ing day and I would call the cop. She first thought I was bluffing but now I think she realize I will do it. even her brother (my Uncle) said (he want to slap me) I told my Mom and I don't think she believe me. I told her if you or your stupid brother lay a hand on me you'll both be in jail. I don't take sh@t from anyone anymore.

loveyouhun, I'm so sorry to hear your mom and uncle threaten you that way and abuse you emotionally. As far as cutting them out of your life, I can only speak from hindsight and say I wish I had cut all contact as soon as I was able to support myself. I didn't do that. It took me until my late twenties to begin to learn to say "no" to so many things, but with practice it did become easier and easier. What I discovered was just a calm statement, repeated over and over if necessary, worked best... not to say I could pull it off as often as I wish, but, "Dad, I won't let myself be talked to that way anymore. I'm leaving now." I would walk out before he had a chance to say another word. I did that for decades and it helped, but he was a stubborn, incorrigible old cuss, and he could still make me feel two inches tall. So I finally totally quit visiting and calling, no explanation, no reply... and by that time I had made sure they didn't have my address. Much easier said than done. I was lucky circumstances allowed me that luxury. And there's always the other trap to fall into of forming close relationships with people whose behavior was similar to that of my parents. My temper has been my worst enemy because it distracts me from being effective in detaching from mean people... I'm too busy trying to put them in their place and trying to make them feel as lousy as they have made me feel. It all works out so much better if I can be calm and just put the brakes on. I don't think I've given you much in the way of an answer... I'm sorry. Wish I had more to offer... hope you find the answer you need.