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#1
May 21, 2007, 03:46 AM
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Well...after a "lovely" conversation with my mother and stepfather it seems we wont be having any more communication for quite some time. The little girl in me is quite upset and scared. I want my mommy. But i know my mom hates me even though she pretends to love me. I know its pretend cuz of all the bad stuff she has done to me. But when she pretends to get me vunerable i feel confused...is this really love.....or is this her pretending. Im feeling these feelings..once again. I miss her...i guess im greiving for losing my mother....i want her...i want her to be the mommy i need. And she cant be...no matter how hard she did try early on in my life...i have to remember how horrible she was to me. Now im feeling naseaous and feeling like i need to vomit.....my headache is so pounding terribly...and it didnt happen until after this phone conversation and got worse after the guilt started. Im feeling so low and sluggish and dizzy from my headache and i couldnt even have the energy to get up and change a candle that was gone except for the wick. My boyfriend who just got home from work had to do the dishes because im just to mentally drained from today....im feeling so lost...and im feeling such overwhelming disgust with myself..but i have to stay strong...shes caught me more than once in this situation and used it against me. i just have to remember that even though she did save me from one hell...she put me in another....and even though the child in me loves her deeply im hurt and wounded with a gashed and bruising heart and nursing myself now because she never came when i waited for her to pick me up before. even my sleep medicine hasnt kicked in yet.....i hope it does eventually ......
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"You look at me, and you dont like what you see. But this is the price of living with you, Mother. " - White Oleander |
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#2
May 21, 2007, 04:34 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((inny)))))))))))))))))))))
hope you get some sleep after our chat. take care of you. think about everything else when you are feeling stronger. pm me later, love you e.mom xoxoxoxoxoxo 
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#3
May 21, 2007, 08:09 AM
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Sorry that you had to go though that inny. I hope it will get better for you in the future.
ShadowsinTheDay
__________________
- What you don't know CAN h*rt you. What they don't tell you WILL destroy you... (Sorry,I can take these out if you want...) |
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#4
May 21, 2007, 09:01 AM
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(((((((((((((((( inny )))))))))))))))))
 
__________________
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#5
May 21, 2007, 08:38 PM
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((((((((((((((((((((((inny))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
my sweet twing singing our theme song |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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