[estrella]

I posted my story a little while back about my rape. It was ten months ago that it happened, and I am planning on reporting it next week. The part that gets to me the most is that I kept going back to him. I wanted him. But I didn't want to be abused in such a way and manipulated by him. I know I was violated, but I am fearful that they may blame me for going back to him even though I was raped three times. I'm afraid to see him and confront him. It still feels like it's my fault. Did I not say no enough? Was he uncertain of my decision? Did it appear I was playing around and didn't mean no? Did I lead him on, because we had had sex before and after? It is something I'm still doubting doing, but it makes me so angry to think that he was a friend, someone I loved, and someone who I wanted in my life for having been so kind...sometimes. But someone who blamed me for it. Am I doing the right thing by reporting him?

[Quarter life]

I think that if you feel that you have been violated in any way it's important for you to speak out estrella. Ofcourse the authourities will ask you many questions and also need to interview him. At the onset, maybe you can request to speak to officers (female) who are part of the domestic violence division...or a counsellor within the Police force.

Just take it one step at a time estrella, And I hope that you reporting this abuse will be the first step to you healing and moving forward.

[nicoleflynn]

Under NO circumstances do you confront him; you need to keep yourself safe, and report it. One of the most helpful things you can do to help yourself is contact a rape crisis center; they can help you untangle your confusing feelings. You are doing what most people do when attacked....questioning yourself.

[TishaBuv]

Hi Estrella,

I think the above advice is great about contacting the rape crisis center, and only you can decide what's best for you to do.

I just want to share with you that I was date raped and never reported it, and I'm glad I didn't. At the very least it was a clear case of statutory rape because he was 19 and I was 16. But, I would have been accused of lying and people would have said I did it willingly.

It left deeper psychological scars on me than I thought it did at the time, but I think prosecuting him might have caused worse problems for me. The whole town would have known and been calling me a slut.

I didn't think about if he was a serial rapist and that I'd be protecting other innocent victims. If that were the case, I'd have stood up. But I myself was unsure whether or not I was drugged. We didn't know about date rape and those kinds of drugs then. I was so confused and just tried to put the whole thing out of my mind.

I hope you can find healing from this whatever you decide to do.