[joshwendt]

I know this is long but please read . I was bullied alot in primary school and the teachers did nothing about it. I was back-stabbed,manipulated, and teased for various reasons (the way I look etc). the teachers played a major part in this by breaking my friendships up and making all of my friends hate me (they actually stopped me from being with my friends). I was hit, pushed,hit with objects etc and no one cared. and when i defended myself I got in trouble. the teachers blamed me for everything that the people that bullied me did. one time I was so angry because I was being bullied and no one cared that the principal locked me in a room. because I had symptoms of mental illness I was put in a class with special ed kids (that just lowered my self esteem even more). also my parents were psychologically abusive towards me at times, threatening me,swearing at me telling me how im worthless how no one will ever care about. Now I have severe anxiety,depression, ocd, severe paranoia, trust issues, self harm, extreme and uncontrollable anger, the feeling that something is watching me,mood swings (going from feeling highly energetic and motivated to feeling tired, depressed and suicidal). when ever i walk past people i feel like they are staring and judging me. I cant have friendships without becoming to attached ( ill need to be with them to be happy and ill become depressed if i cant see them). I feel like the whole world is against me and like no one cares about me. the worst part about my situation is that my parents think im faking mental illness and they REFUSE to let go me on medication for even though I was told to by my doctor. my parents wont even let my get proper counselling. I wish there was some kind of pill that i could take to ecscape from reality so that i wouldn't have to worry about my stuffed up life and the fact that my life is going to be a failure (Im never going to get married,Ill still be a virgin when im 45,I wont be able to make friends, Ill never be able have fun, Ill never be able to get a job,no one will remember me..). I feel like really hurting myself to see if people care.. . No one would care if I .... I just want people to love me,care about me and support me when I need it. sometimes i just want to end it but I dont want to ( if you get what i mean) . however my life is just one disappointment after another. I want my existence to mean something to people and i want to live a successful life but I guess I Just wasnt meant to be happy,loved, or respected .I HATE MY LIFE and no one cares....

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry I care
(and as somebody said to me the other day... Nobody loves a bully )

As for a "successful life" - YOU get to define that

I'm sorry if this isn't much help, I have voices in my head screaming unrepeatable stuff from my ****ed up childhood, but I know those are simply LIES (from the "enemy" - or people who wanted to harm us, or just our messed up brain chemistry. ) I'm so sorry your parents are as they are, hopefully someone will be able to suggest how you can get the help IRL you need and deserve. I wish I had proper help when I was your age. Please never give up


Welcome to PC and please keep posting, there are good people here who really care

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Joshwendt. Medication might help, but medications can be problematic for people who haven't reached their twenties. Proper counselling (not all counselling experiences are positive or helpful) would be good.

My observation, however, is that neither meds nor therapy can effectively counter abusive environments. It's a bit like trying to treat a burn while your hand is still on the stove.

Techniques exist for developing emotional distance from or building psychological boundaries against toxic people even if present circumstances do not permit you to get some physical separation from them. Try looking for

• setting or building boundaries
• emotional boundary strength

Please make yourself at home.

[Daphnelover]

I care

[Fuzzybear]

The Wisest Elder Ever Rohag speaks pure wisdom. Listen to him

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello & Welcome, Joshwendt. Medication might help, but medications can be problematic for people who haven't reached their twenties. Proper counselling (not all counselling experiences are positive or helpful) would be good.

My observation, however, is that neither meds nor therapy can effectively counter abusive environments. It's a bit like trying to treat a burn while your hand is still on the stove.

Techniques exist for developing emotional distance from or building psychological boundaries against toxic people even if present circumstances do not permit you to get some physical separation from them. Try looking for

• setting or building boundaries
• emotional boundary strength

Please make yourself at home.

[Teddy Bear]

Thanks for sharing. I find we've all gone through a pile of crap here. You're not alone. People here care about everyone.