[coldwut]

So I've been wondering if I have been neglected as well and if that contributes to the fact that I have a hard time asking for help, plus communication problems. (I remember one time I got in trouble for stealing candy but I was only trying to ask my mom if I can have one.)

I never really went to any doctors or dentist, even though I should have, because my parents either didn't have the money or time. However, they spent their money on gadgets, and they were able to go to the doctors themselves. I just chalked it up to the fact that parents should help themselves out before helping their children. I'm beginning to think that's wrong.

There's more, I think, but class is going to start.

[TerriLynn]

Not providing healthcare when financially able to, is neglect. If they were neglecting your healthcare, chances are, they were neglecting you in other areas also, even if just emotionally.

I was neglected and ignored growing up and asking for help is one of the hardest things in the world for me. I understand where you are coming from. You also learn how to communicate from your parents in your childhood, if there was very little to no communication in your family, that is probably where your difficulties lie.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by coldwut

So I've been wondering if I have been neglected as well and if that contributes to the fact that I have a hard time asking for help, plus communication problems. (I remember one time I got in trouble for stealing candy but I was only trying to ask my mom if I can have one.)

I never really went to any doctors or dentist, even though I should have, because my parents either didn't have the money or time. However, they spent their money on gadgets, and they were able to go to the doctors themselves. I just chalked it up to the fact that parents should help themselves out before helping their children. I'm beginning to think that's wrong.

There's more, I think, but class is going to start.

Parents should provide for their children before themselves. Children do not have the bodily resources adults do to be able to continue to remain healthy - but their bodies require more of them because they are still growing. Children should be put first even if that wasn't the case - just out of pure love and to not do so for anything - food, medical care, emotional support, shelter, etc - is neglect.

[Parva]

Neglect, for me, was feeling totally unprotected and unsafe, especially in the home. I'm not sure there's a universal definition, and that's why neglect is almost impossible to prove in a legal, or maybe even clinical, setting.

Problem is that almost all research of which I'm aware is showing that neglect is incredibly damaging. Most people who were neglected probably don't even know it. Physical and sexual abuse leaves episodic memories; neglect not so much (although they can be there, for sure; times being left alone for days at a time, stuff like that). So how do you define the absence of something? More importantly, how do we, as individuals, understand the importance of that absence when it's almost impossible to assess how much/when/what? See where I'm going with this?

[starfruit504]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

Parents should provide for their children before themselves.

-Absolutely. This is absolutely true. To do otherwise is neglectful. And not taking care of their child's health is negligent. There is no me-first in parenting and I can barely even imagine the kind of person who'd act that way. Why did they have kids? It's not like buying a new purse. A child isn't an accessory.

Our parents model everything for us: communication, relationship dynamics, how to express our emotions, how to take care of our health (from hygiene to cleaning cuts to seeing a pediatrician). My dad didn't think I ever needed to see a doctor either. I have a scar above my eye where I was hit in the face with a drop-lid. He didn't want to take me to the ER for stitches because he didn't want to deal with me crying.

[coldwut]

My family was, and still is, pretty damn poor, so I often just chalked it up to us not having the money, and the fact that both of them have health problems, so I just believed that if they didn't take care of themselves first then they wouldn't be able to take care of us.

Maybe if I just kept reminding them, but I was too shy to do so, and that's why I didn't go to any doctor's when I should have.

They weren't emotionally available, I know that for a fact. If I had a problem they didn't seem interested, but if my mom had problems I had to listen to her and sometimes give her advice.

[TerriLynn]

[QUOTE=coldwut;4782261]

Maybe if I just kept reminding them, but I was too shy to do so, and that's why I didn't go to any doctor's when I should have.

QUOTE]

As an adult, it is THEIR job to watch out for your well being, not yours to remind them of!

[Miktis25]

[QUOTE=TerriLynn;4782352]

Originally Posted by coldwut

Maybe if I just kept reminding them, but I was too shy to do so, and that's why I didn't go to any doctor's when I should have.

QUOTE]

As an adult, it is THEIR job to watch out for your well being, not yours to remind them of!

This. As a child it certainly wasn't your reaponsibilty to remind them; they are your PARENTS, it is their job to take care of your wellbeing and make your health their top priority, and they certainly shouldn't need reminding.