[Monstermkr2000]

I was a really good kid, I genuinely liked people and I remember always feeling happy and innocent. My grandaddy had just died and I didnt ever have a dad and Ihe was all I had, my mom but as a male role model, and he died.I was just looking forward too hanging out with my older cousins I was a little boy, 7, they were faamily, i loved them for God sake., I looked up to them, then my soul was removed from my body and stomped. Why? I cant ever get what has has been ripped out back. I have been living my life like an amputee must, cept its my soul, all that wasnt sinful garbage, that was severed from my body. And by having my trusting nature betrayed by people , family, that we are told we can rely on. I am so HURT inside. One of the hardest issues, aside from the always present guilt and feelings of having been cruely cheated out of my life, is the hell I go through about "how a man should be". I am 37 and still feel exactly like that boy. I am often cold to peple I love and God forgive It hurts me to do it but if i show emotion or weakness i will burst out in freaking tears, like i am now writing this, and i will feel horrible guilt that I am not a man and am wrong and need to be put down.. Im losing my grip

[lowinmood]

did something happen to you?