[TryingToMoveForward]

I was discussing drugs with a friend, and the conversation somehow turned to my ex-bf who sexually abused me. I've seen how drugs ruin lives and turn people into monsters, when they otherwise wouldn't be. I loved him so deeply, and believed in him so thoroughly, and in my ability to save him. But in the end I couldn't. I was the one to break off the relationship. We lost contact...he traveled across the country doing hard drugs, ended up back in the area and got a woman pregnant. Once he found out he was going to be a father, he cleaned up and no longer does drugs. I know this because I met up with him last year. He's the man I knew he was without the drugs, but I couldn't establish a relationship with him again. I couldn't. After he had so thoroughly violated me. Sometime ago my anger faded. I don't hate him. I feel sad about what happened, feel sad for him, that he allowed drugs to nearly ruin his life. To cause him to do such horrible things.

My body may never feel the same despite all this.