FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given |
#1
I don't know where else to post this, so this seemed like the best place.
My father has narcissistic traits and he is/was an emotional abusive person, although unintentionally towards me. I have a relationship with him, I love him, but I'm trying to get help understanding how he affected me as a father. I'm in a program of recovery for adult children of dysfunctional families. I wanted to reach out here and see if anyone else identified as an adult child of narcissistic families. If someone thinks this thread would be better elsewhere, please let me know. |
Reply With Quote |
Miktis25, Soy bien
|
Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: US
Posts: 1,484
10 155 hugs
given |
#2
In my experience, growing up with NPD parents definitely affected me in various ways.
I actually inherited many of their dysfunctions, but without a malignant, predatory edge to it. But even if I don't go looking for people to victimize, close relations can bring out some serious dysfunction in me, and it's a bit sickening and horrifying on occasion to realize I've been channeling one of my parents subconsciously. I think probably the biggest conditioned issue was in desperately trying to "manipulate the manipulators" as a child, which caused me to develop my own style of manipulation in relations as an adult. Both of my parents played constant mind games, and I spent all of my childhood and adolescence trying to figure out what made them tick, what they wanted, how to get positive (or at least not terrible) reactions from them, how to try to hold together some semblance of a peaceful and normal family atmosphere. I never learned how to "just be" or what genuine relations are like. So as an adult, my default settings when interacting with others is to "perform" instead of "be". I also analyze people heavily and am hypervigilant about concealed, malignant motives in others. Common tactics I use are playing dumb, performing tests and setting traps, experimenting with how people respond to various things, etc. In others words I share some things in common with my NPD parents. 1. Rarely Genuine 2. Manipulative 3. Performing For Acceptance 4. Resenting Others For Feeling Like I "Have" To Perform 5. Very Pessimistic Outlook On Humanity 6. Prioritize Protecting Myself Over Intimacy 7. Victim / Martyr Complex That sort of stuff is what I tend to focus on the most. Because I'm not ashamed of having anxiety or depression problems, but traits like manipulative or having a victim complex do bother me. And as if I don't already have enough of the same dysfunctions as my NPD parents, shame bothers me more than anything else LOL. |
Reply With Quote |
Bill3, Miktis25, Soy bien
|
Bill3, leomama, Miktis25, pearlys, Simone70, TishaBuv
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given |
#3
Thank you for your detailed reply. I don't know enough about narcissism to detail it out like that.
|
Reply With Quote |
Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: US
Posts: 1,484
10 155 hugs
given |
#4
Quote:
Here are some articles that might be interesting for you: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...their-children Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents Resources - Band Back Together Adult Children Of Narcissists. Narcissistic mother. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Miktis25
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given |
#5
Thank you very much. I admire your cerebral approach. I'm feeling triggered right now so I can't really articulate too well.
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous37827, CopperStar
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given |
#6
The first article doesn't apply .
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given |
#7
Reading the second one I think my mom is the problem.
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: In a house
Posts: 26
10 43 hugs
given |
#8
Quote:
__________________ "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."-Not Benjamin Franklin |
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: In a house
Posts: 26
10 43 hugs
given |
#9
Quote:
__________________ "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."-Not Benjamin Franklin |
|
Reply With Quote |
CopperStar
|
CopperStar
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given |
#10
Quote:
I'm sorry to hear that. That's an interesting point about narcissist calling people a bully or cynical. My partner has called my mom cynical and me a bully . He denies having any narcissism at all. My mom has also called me a bully and a liar. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Soy bien
|
Soy bien
|
Member
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: In a house
Posts: 26
10 43 hugs
given |
#11
This article helped me understand why narcissists have "selective memory."
The Narcissist's Child: Selective Memory __________________ "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."-Not Benjamin Franklin |
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given |
#12
Ty I will read that later
|
Reply With Quote |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#13
I have parents that are NPD. I don't take their **** or their lies.
I dont manipulate or play the victim. I can come of as very assertive, aggressive or argumentative. |
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 4,703
10 172 hugs
given |
#14
That's funny Valentina , my mother often accuses me of being argumentative and sometimes my SO does too...
|
Reply With Quote |
Reply |
|