For most of our relationship my ex punched holes in walls during arguments, broke things, threw things, yelled at me, called me out of my name, threatened to harm me, and demanded that I get out of his car during arguments away from home.

He never slapped me or punched me, though he pushed me once, and he was always supportive of my career, education and relationships with family and friends - so I didn't feel controlled...until he raged. He would do those things then be kind afterwards and I would feel it was my fault. He said it wasn't and that he made a choice to rage but then he'd say I hurt him to the point where he acted they way. When I stayed at his apartment and we argued I often wouldn't sleep and walked on egg shells in an effort to keep from upsetting him. This went on for years and started when I was barely legal. Thinking back I feel ashamed.

I shared that he has a temper with others but never the full extent of things. I always made him sound like a knight but then I think of how incredibly afraid I was when he raged and how alone and unprotected I felt and I wonder if for years I was in an abusive relationship and if it's changed me because I'm panicked by any sort of confrontation now and yelling truly terrifies me.

Was it abuse if I wasn't beaten?

[green0cake]

You might want to check this link: Signs of Emotional Abuse | World of Psychology

[2B/-2B]

Originally Posted by rouge198

For most of our relationship my ex punched holes in walls during arguments, broke things, threw things, yelled at me, called me out of my name, threatened to harm me, and demanded that I get out of his car during arguments away from home.

He never slapped me or punched me, though he pushed me once, and he was always supportive of my career, education and relationships with family and friends - so I didn't feel controlled...until he raged. He would do those things then be kind afterwards and I would feel it was my fault. He said it wasn't and that he made a choice to rage but then he'd say I hurt him to the point where he acted they way. When I stayed at his apartment and we argued I often wouldn't sleep and walked on egg shells in an effort to keep from upsetting him. This went on for years and started when I was barely legal. Thinking back I feel ashamed.

I shared that he has a temper with others but never the full extent of things. I always made him sound like a knight but then I think of how incredibly afraid I was when he raged and how alone and unprotected I felt and I wonder if for years I was in an abusive relationship and if it's changed me because I'm panicked by any sort of confrontation now and yelling truly terrifies me.

Was it abuse if I wasn't beaten?

From the above, definitely so. It has all the trappings of domestic violence.

[ensconce]

Definitely sounds like verbal or emotional abuse to me, you don't need to get hit to be abused.

[nicoleflynn]

Read the Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, or go on-line and google verbal abuse; it gives all of the signs of what verbal abuse is.

Thanks everyone, this helped a lot.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Yes, what you describe is abuse. Just want to add that throwing objects, punching holes in walls and pushing you are all violent acts. I hope you are able to work through this and overcome you experience.