[Focus62]

For a few years I was sexually abused in my childhood by a "family friend." In reality, my mom traded my body for drugs and booze. My dad also being a physical/mental/emotional abuser did not do much to interfere with this transaction. This is just to give whoever reads this some context, but my question (curiosity?) is for those who may have been abused by a sadist... did they leave their mark on you? Trigger below just because it might be graphic:

Possible trigger:

Sadists get off on pain...my abuser threatened me with a knife while enjoying his sexual pleasures and sometimes would get a bit overzealous and cut my ribs, or arm, or (once) my face. After he was satisfied though, he always would cut a new tally mark under my collar bone. I have 27 tally marks...one for each time he raped me.

Did anyone else experience this type of "marking?" Does anybody know why this would be important to an abuser? I understand he got off on pain so it was probably enjoyable for him, but it seems to me like they're leaving proof of a crime...I don't know why an abuser would do that.

He is putting his mark on you to claim you as his own.

I am SO sorry. This is unimaginably horrible.

[Focus62]

Thanks for the response. Even if it is because he was claiming me as his own, it's not like I ever showed them around...the tally marks are easily covered by a shirt (the scar on my face and bicep not so much but they're not numerous so no one questions those as abuse). If he was attempting to claim me as his own, doesn't that imply that there was someone to claim this to (other than me)?

I just wish I could understand something I know in my heart that I will never understand...

[starryprince]

Hey there! First off, happy new year!

I am so sorry this happened to you. That is so disgusting and I'm sorry but I don't think sadistic behavior can be understood to anyone but the sadist. I agree with Valentina. It sounds like they were claiming you, but that's the only thing that I can gather from this. It doesn't matter if you didn't show them. He got mental gratification from that. They're not thinking of it as they're leaving proof of a crime. They're thinking of it as marking their property, so to speak. Abuse never makes sense to anyone but the abuser and this is an example of that. There's no reason why a human being would hurt another like this. I am very sorry. You sound like a very strong person and I wish you all the best!!

[lostinsidemyself]

Originally Posted by Focus62

For a few years I was sexually abused in my childhood by a "family friend." In reality, my mom traded my body for drugs and booze. My dad also being a physical/mental/emotional abuser did not do much to interfere with this transaction. This is just to give whoever reads this some context, but my question (curiosity?) is for those who may have been abused by a sadist... did they leave their mark on you? Trigger below just because it might be graphic:

Possible trigger:

Sadists get off on pain...my abuser threatened me with a knife while enjoying his sexual pleasures and sometimes would get a bit overzealous and cut my ribs, or arm, or (once) my face. After he was satisfied though, he always would cut a new tally mark under my collar bone. I have 27 tally marks...one for each time he raped me.

Did anyone else experience this type of "marking?" Does anybody know why this would be important to an abuser? I understand he got off on pain so it was probably enjoyable for him, but it seems to me like they're leaving proof of a crime...I don't know why an abuser would do that.

I was also sadistic/ritually abused.

Possible trigger:

my step dad & mother raised me in a cult that my step dad started. I dont know how many details are ok here and certianly dont want to give out too many but there were very bad rituals, i was prostituted, rented, forced to REALLY BAD things in their rituals; punished in very bad ways as well as cut in places...and most will never leave my head and ears. Just know i can relate!