[troubled1]

Well I am home alone and as some of you know I have my kids over at other peoples homes for awhile to visit this summer..... My oldest will be home on the 10th and the youngest I am not sure of he is with his Dad... I have went and bought a dog ( Mastiff & Chow ) she is 7 1/2 weeks old and I bought a ball python that is still a baby.... LOL !!!!!
My 12 yr old is visiting someone else in PHX and she will be home in a couple of weeks...... Anyway My other half is working Graveyards and Now I am worse..... I cannot sleep at all !!!!! Nightmares feel as if someone is coming into my house , I hear things that are not there !!!!
I hear them coming in and there is no one there..... It has only been one night and it is already making me crazy.......
Went to the Doctor and they did there Eval on my thyroid to see what to do with it and they want to wait 3 months to see if it is going to continue and if it does they are going to remove my thyroid.......
I am having nightmares about my Dad , My Ex and my future I do not need any more headaches......
I have a friend who has drove me insane with her lies and her cheating on her husband, I have lost her as a friend and She is making me out to be the bad guy..... All I want to do is sleep I am tired of fighting this uphill battle the PTSD and the depression is driving me nuts I just want to be happy !!!! Is there a way to convince myself that all this is not real that the PTSD and The Depression is fake I can move on just walk away from all this medicine is needed ..... Can you look at your self and say this was not my life and I really did not go through this I am meant for better !!!!! Sorry Babbling again !!!! I just want to want to wake up after sleeping a good sleep and go yep I am finally in my right life....... I want friends who don't lie !!!!! Don't cheat !!!!! And you can trust with anything !!!! I cannot stand people who lie just to run from the truth.......
Any words would help !!!!! troubled1

[Butterfly_Faerie]

<font color=purple>Hey there hon.

No you cannot tell yourself that you do not have ptsd and depression, because you do have it, theres no changing it. But you can better yourself, continue therapy and tell yourself that you will and can conquer it. Look how far I have gone in the 8 years that I was diagnosed with PTSD? My symptoms with PTSD are almost completely gone, I doubt they will be forever gone, but I'm ok with that and I can live with that. I'm no longer plauged with PTSD and just got over that major hurdle about roughly 1 month ago. IF I can do it so can you. It just takes time, paitents and understanding. Once you understand it and know that it can no longer control you. The nightmares will end, either for the time being or all together. Everything will start to vanish in terms of your PTSD. I can live with it, and know that it wasn't my fault. I don't live with the shame and guilt that it happened, I don't self blame anymore. I now live with the REGRET that it DID happen, and it wasn't my fault, doing that I freed myself, something I thought i'd never do before. You should try that, Live with regret, doing that you can move on with your life. I use to do the same thing, I almost thought someone was coming into my house at night etc. The power of the mind, it's amazing what it does, it can do what happened to you thinking someone was breaking in. That's a fear. But you got to let go of it at some point, and not be scared to stay in to your home. You got your pets, that's definatly a comfort.

As in terms of your Depression, I think once you've dealt with the abuse, and heal from being hurt from "her" you depression will lift. Right now my depression is in remission, and it's about time, cause you know I suffer from SAD. I do get how you are, more then I care to have. But you take it one day at a time. Know that you are ok , and whenever you need to post here, or if i'm on MSN you can message or email me.

You are definatly not alone with this battle, been there done that many times.

Take care girl.</font color=purple>

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[troubled1]

Thank you Sundance and Ozzie I do appreciate your thoughts and words of encouragement.... I will reply to all later tonight .....LOVE to you both troubled1